...do you ever feel, like a plastic bag... drifting through the wind, willing to start again?!.. Do you ever feel like you are 6 feet in, already buried in and no one seems to hear a thing.. ?! Katy Perry.. Fireworks (The music).
**Deep sigh… I hear the whistling of the trains both around me and deep within me.. all around me I see people, but deep within me I stand alone.. Like I am all alone in a crowd.. I see people waiting at the various train stops hoping to get on my confused life which glitters without but gradually decays within.. I see people look at me like wow he must be the “Cats meow”, see me like I have it all, like I am the ‘cream de la cream’, (17419 83414 29253 Globacom NG) like I am ‘ghen ghen’ like that.. I wish they only knew the demons I fight, I wish they only knew the pains I hide, I wish they only knew that beneath this charade of happiness lies gloom and emptiness.. I wish they knew that the energy I show is only but the energy I mirror from what they show. Who am I sef?! What am I gan?! Where the hell are my from?! From whose loins did I come?! In whose uterus did I develop?! Well I might never really know, but for today yeah, for this very moment.. I am nothing but Duru John de Beloved, a 23 years 3 months 11 days and 8 hour old young and confused child.
Its 6: 29 AM, and I vividly remember the sights my eyes beheld barely minutes ago.. You see #YnCgang on my way to the place of survival this morning, as our vehicle ascended the popular Eko- bridge, I saw a man lying on the express way rolling from side to side, his clothes all covered in blood, begging for help, crying in pain, not realizing that he lay directly on the express way and could be climbed over by a vehicle. I mean I am sure he couldn’t care less, as there and then yeah, all I saw was a battle (49498581 38962100 Airtel NG)between life and death.. But we drove by! We did nothing! We didnt as much as stop but only sympathised on the go.. not just us, but the entire Lagos drove by all under the auspices of “I am too busy to help”, “too clean to get my hands marred in blood”, “too classy to stain the seats of my Range Rover Evogue with the blood of another except she was my woman and we were having sex there for the first time in both of our lives”.. but what if it was me who lay there?! What if that man was my son, my brother, my father, my cousin or my friend, would I have driven by?! I guess not… but you see we all drove by in our trains called cars too busy to help.. Where I alone yeah, would I have helped?! Hell no! That’s what! Cause I fear the unknown more than accept the known which is that young man was dying… mehn what happened to my conscience?!
There aren’t many train stations in Nigeria, but last week NO! that was last 2 weeks.. as I trekked form Costain to Orile in one of my **In the beautiful Sophies voice usual bants, I saw a gathering of people, some with glooms, some with smiles, some wore suits others wore similitude of rags, some with kids, others with friends and lovers, some wore long faces, others caressed and held their woman by the waist as a means of tapping current and gaining sexual pleasure.. some old, some young... And even though the train was yet to arrive yeah.. as I trekked by, I realized that the same place that was but a place of meeting for some was a place of forever good byes for others, same place that was a commencement point of the journey for many as they boarded the over crowded trains with enthusiasm was a final destination for some as they had to alight. And then it hit me that that was my life. That I am Nothing but a bladdy train station.
Since I was 8(4941 8425 6740 MTN NG), a lot of people have walked in and out of my life, some whom I came from, some who prior to that moment I professed undyng love for and they for me, some who had looked me in my 2 koro koro eyes and said Duru its me and you till the end.. But seeing them leave me all alone in the dark was something I could't understand.. Why?! what did I do wrong?! What was my fault?! what was my flaw?! Was I wrong for being me?! Was I wrong for being unable to control the thoughts and actions of another?! Was I wrong for being a full blooded man with his veins pumping with lust while his heart pumped with love, with his goals focused on money and success while his flesh burning for passion?! I really dunno, but maybe they just failed to see the full picture, maybe they couldn’t stay to endure what ever pain I caused.. but as the classy and ever beautiful even at 35 Kemi Adetiba said on Instagram yesterday.. "Don’t get mad when people leave you over petty things, cause if they truly loved you yeah, they wouldn’t go" and to that the crowd goes… Yyyeeeaaahh mehn!
|Tell me how i am supposed to let go of a child who makes me feel like a man?! Who left me 98 messages in 1 swoop.. Hell NO! i wont.|
I met a child, 6 weeks 5 days ago.. her name is Ribena and she is 22 years 3 months 20 days old, but has the strength of a 32 years old… She has beautiful long rapunzel hair which is as black as coal, her eyes glitter like the night stars, her skin as fresh as silk. She has brains like Einstein, beauty like Agbani Darego, wisdom like Fela Durotoye, class like Adebola Williams, Humor like Bovi, and a big heart like Mrs Duru (710 062 260 246 036 Etisalat NG), plus she is loving like Janyl Benyl. But just like I have subconsciously done all these years, I found myself pushing her away with my words last Saturday.. and to that I ask myself; Duru what the hell is wrong with you?! Must you push people away all the time simply cause their emotional perspective are antithetical to yours?! Must you make them dance to your tune all the time?! Must you be the captain of the ship all the time? Well to all these my answer is NO! and this time yeah, I aint letting her go… I mean I pushed my Ex away with my stupid tactics.. but this one, this one I want to make family.. as this child completes me, this child ignites me, this child makes me a better man by all standards.
3 weeks 1 day ago, i pushed away a blogger friend who meant the world to me and some more... someone who had nothing but love.. someone whom has had my back and hers for as long as we have known, and to that i only wonder how love became so sour.
So as I end my confusions this morning.. I say no more… No more to choosing to be both Alone and Lonely, no more to trying too hard to hold people from leaving when in all sincerity they neither make me nor do I make them happy, I mean if you wanna go, then please do.. but above all yeah, no more to pushing people away.. cause in all sincerity yeah, I don’t know how much time I have got left here on earth.. so why should I?!
Thank you for the past 7 minutes of your time great young minds, you are why we write, why we strive to become better, why we hope to inspire and be inspired.. My prayer for you this week is that the heavens will keep you safe, and that throughout this week yeah, there shall be no reason to see a spill of your blood either by error or by chance ni Oruko Jesu. Do have a Turnt up week gang.
P.S: Many people think that the Author of Blogs are the real MVP’s, that it is us who direct the affairs of these internet pages.. but that’s false.. and its like saying JdB has given up chasing fine girls.. It is you guys who comment.. who read and find even the most minute wisdom in our scribblings and rants, it is you guys that are the real MvP's.. and it is to you the #YnCGang both new and old I say thank you.. may lines fall for you in perfect places.. and the crowd goes..Oooooosssshhhhhheeeey!