Smmmoooking… Somebory stop me! **takes off wrist watch.. Turn up Turn up Ladies and Gentlemen, what gwan Fam? Whats the frigging 411 gang?! Mehn as you see me so ehn.. Lemme not lie, I have absolutely no idea what this post is gonna really be about like this.. Dear heavens I look up to you, biko take the wheel, and the keyboard too.. :) I cant drive this keke on my own.. In C.P.C’s voice.. Lets do this! So how was your weekend gang? Hope you guys turned up oh!, mehn mine was all shades of everything.. NO! more like my woes and fun started on Thursday… Okay first off, #NoPressure oh, but I have a kind Question for us gang… Please should we pray on stolen meat?! I mean my father has come back home, so my BIAFRAN cooking has resumed **grumbles.. Mehn you need to see me adding pepper with caution now adays oh.. heheheh Its serious like that oh! I cant fit shout :p. So last Saturday ehn, I wanted to steal meat, NO! I meant Meatsss, while I was I was cooking, and I subconsciously prayed on all the 4 pieces of meat I stole.. I hope I will not go to hell fire for that oh! Cause I hear the Air-conditioning in Hell e haf spoil, so Dear heavens.. Please sneak my name into that book of life somehow biko.. I know I aint worthy yeah, but we can work out something nah, I am Igbo like that. #NoPressure.
Last Saturday was Jildas Birthday, and damn it was hard for me not to reach out to her via Call, Text or Instagram.. Luckily for me there was plenty Alcohol in my house that day, so much that you would think Dr. Duru was getting married.. Dad, Big Bro and I just kept drinking and Drinking and drinking… at a time they had to hide the palm wine so i wouldnt finish it, and then Bam! Orijin came to my rescue :). The thing is I really miss Wajilda, but you see today we cross the threshold state, hence it is ssooo over, as once I can withstand my confused sef from reaching out to my past for up to 1 month, then I survived.. but gang it wasn’t easy oh! When we were together yeah, I had planned **Dear Onyilola, please pass me a handkerchief.. this is a mushy time for me. **Sniff sniff **cleans watery eyes.. **blows nose.. When we were together yeah, I had planned to buy her 4 sets of Mac lipstick… **Cleans eyes, and holds chest out of heart break effect.. But having that we aren’t together, I am pleased to inform y'all that my EGO! is in my account and I am good, I bought a Plasma for my room instead sef.. It actually took the effort of the wonderful Erniesha not to reel my baby back in, and when I told Toyon Alsina at around 10 pm that I stayed away, she helped me stay sane also… Ehen! shey you guys know Raleeyat ba?! my YnC geh friend **Winks.. Chei! That geh has my Mushy mushy remote control sef, not only button biko... hehehe I intentionally stayed away from that her cause she has this convincing power over me, and if she says JdB jump from 3rd mainland Bridge I might do it Sharp sharp.. Wait! did you guys here of that guy that just parked his car on the 3rd mainland bridge, came out of it, and just jumped over the Bridge.. I think it happened last week. Mehn that was sad.. May his soul R.I.P.. I still don’t get why Suicide oh! I once taught about doing it, but then one of my mentors said to me when i confided in him that;
“Fun times of life far outweigh the bad times, so why chicken out on life (Paraphrased)”
…Plus how can I leave all these fine gehs, and Technology, and Alcohol in this world and commit suicide?! God Forbid.. Abeg #NoPressure jo.
So I told Ribena how I felt about her on Sunday morning after I was sure I had gotten over Jilda, and the Alcohol had cleared from my eyes… **Sits down properly on Jangolova Chair. You see that Ribena is amazingly beautiful. Mannie, Ice, Oga Boss T-notes, and Alphasoar, with all due respects chief of staffs, have you brovers ever met a lady that’s seems like she fell out of your dreams?! My! That’s how Ribena makes me feel.. She is AMAZING.. Aswear words just fail me to describe her. But the truth is I dunno if she wants me, plus she isn’t based in Lagos, as she works for one gehn gehn Multinational at Abuja. Me I know I am ready oh (i mean i was born ready for woman nah ;), more like I think.. but **In Falz the Bad guys voice.. I want the next bae that I will be like Ello Bae to, to want me as much as I do her... There's a conflict in my head if to or not to be with her.. But mehn If she says Yes.. I will officially resign from being... NO! resign ke?! Am I mad? I meant I will officially go on TEMPORAL LEAVE from being a woman wrapper… Ribena is Beautiful, awesome, amazing, Smart, Young, richer than me.. **Crying in French and has Class like Osas Ighodaro…
I mean Dear
heavens, please let my future wife be like her Osas.. Plus Ribena laughs a
lot like Toin… **In Mzz Sykiks voice.. Oh! My Days gang, I think I am in lof
nwantitin for real this time. Oh mehn! I forgot #NoPressure.
I have an issue with a very mean human being who will not let me go.. he has had me in tears, had me mocked, had me feel like I wasn’t good enough and it fucking hurts, so I have one last dance with him in some days, and I will let go and ask the heavens and the spirit of my Grand parents, plus ask my mother to fight for me. Why are people so wicked… He derives joy in seeing me not advance with my life, but oh Well! Fuck it! mehn.. Man isn’t GOD so why beg him further. Did you guys hear Esther Koko is now a celebrity?! Well she is working with one ghen ghen Nigerian International Act, so get ready to start seeing our very own Esther koko on BellaNaija, YNaija and Ovation. Ehennn.. Yo! fam, I got this really big professional deal last week.. It’s stakes in a Telecommunication coy, and it means I will be very rich soon insha Allah. So turn up Turn up ladies and Gentlemen, my 25th Birthday parry will be awesome.. I also got a new job for a ghen ghen pay last month, but I wont be switching… I had this very long
shout! Talk :) with Barr. Duru, and
regardless that he got me really furious, that man is right.. Sometimes he
scares the hell outta me how he is always right, like he is Nostradamus or something.. Anyways Money
will come so #NoPressure..
Someone very close to me is currently in Nigeria, and I really want to see her. I mean if I do yeah, I will have that “Moses went to the mountain to talk to GOD” kinda feeling.. Mehn its gonna be awesome. But the truth is dunno if she wants to see me, so #NoPressure. I mean I am a big nut case, so sitting with me and accepting my shenanigans for even as small as 30 minutes earns any lady a Grammy sef.. Yeah that reminds me, You guys ehn… The 15 for 15 challenge this year is TOUGH! **cleans sweat.. Chisos! I never hexsperred it… Mehn those guys are breathing fire and their themes are madantin! Hehehe I fear that I have already been dethroned sef! NopE!! **Hits chest. A bum Obereagu.. I cannot fit to fear.. For he that is in me is the same as he that is in all of them, so why not if Not?! In the light of being the defending champion.. (my I like saying that) I will like to celebrate our 14 for 14 challenge victory with 3 of the YnC gang.. So if you are willing to meet with me yeah, you can send me an E-mail, or drop your intention to meet with this crazy brover in the comment section. My budget is 10k as I am broke like that oh, so biko, I no fit do pass my power **Wears sad face.. I wish I was Rich like Ausserehl :).
Now this is the kicker paragraph.. I will be going to Abuja soon.. My dad finally approved a ghen ghen thing for me, so I might be going soon. **Whispers the truth is I just wanna go meet with Ribena, Raleeyat and if possible Sophie.. Have you guys met her! Damn of you haven’t been to her blog ehn, you are sleeping on top of okada and that is a sin :).. mehhnn **In Asa’s my cousins voice; Wake up and smell the coffee.. Truth is if Ribena doesnt agree ehn, then I gat my eyes on Sophie **Winks.. Y’all need to read her blog, she is an AMAZING 22 year old child, who writes with so much life and makes you smile wit each line.. Ehen! That reminds me! Happy new month ladies and gentlemen. January was mandantin! And I met and bonded with a lot of great people in January.. Esspecially Sophie.. **Whispers I am tripping for that child big time oh!
Its funny yeah, how my
head can be on Ribena’s case, and my heart on Sophie.. yep! I am confused like
that. So I had 1 blogger that constantly inspired me and kept me smiling in all January,
and in my confused head yeah, she is my January blogger of the month is… Soo… **Drum
Roll… my January blogger of the month is
Clara! Of life www.laviedeclarao.blogspot.com
Now I bonded with her on a totally amazing level, and it has been awesome. Also my top 3 posts on Blogsville in January were:
These 3 above posts were mad like that, and i almost stood up and started clapping at my P.C after reading them :). So that’s it gang.. This was a totally unplanned post, and please blame it on Toinlicious… Toin!!! You have taught me how to be writing random posts ba… I just pray that this post touches someones heart, and makes at least 1 person smile. Ehen! Ms TLG resurrected and went back to heaven for a brisk amount of time last week **Shines teeth.. I love that lady like Kilode as she is hilarious. I just kept smiling like a fish as i read her comment on my mobile.
Testimony Time: Ppprrrraaaaiiiisssseee tha Lawd somebory! **In My Igbo Accent! Umu Chineke Eh! So Toin finally changed her Watsapp profile picture.. I mean that’s a big Deal.. I and T-Notes have been toasting Toin for well over 6 months and she had 1 winchie-wichie teddy bear as her Display picshur all the while.. Y’all know Toin is anonymous right?! Mehn Y’all need to see Toins face, she is Beautiful Aswear.. I mean Agbani Darego has nothing on her, and the only person close to fine as Toin is Ribena and Ayo.. **Tongue out at Toin.. lmao.. It’s a lie jari.. Toin is not fine like that biko… **runs away.
Thank you for the past 7 minutes of your time great young mind, you guys do me a great honor with it! Dear Brovers, has a geh you are toasting ever told you that You must be very stupid?! Heheheh SMH for myself.. I said something utterly stupid and I mean STUPID to a lady on watsapp last Friday, a lady i was trying to woo oh! and she said that to me. When she said it yeah, I just started laughing like a cow :). DO have an amazing week fam, and my prayer for you is that this week, GOD will give you series of reasons to DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING..
P.S: Did you guys here of the #DBanjat10 hash tag on Instagram.. He said Twerk, ordinary Twerk oh! and some ladies were dancing Atilogo.. Mcheeeww… smh. Cheers fam. OOossshhhheeey!
Oya lemme copy Janyl: