Monday, 2 February 2015

#NoPressure



Smmmoooking… Somebory stop me! **takes off wrist watch..  Turn up Turn up Ladies and Gentlemen, what gwan Fam? Whats the frigging 411 gang?! Mehn as you see me so ehn.. Lemme not lie, I have absolutely no idea what this post is gonna really be about like this.. Dear heavens I look up to you, biko take the wheel, and the keyboard too.. :) I cant  drive this keke on my own.. In C.P.C’s voice.. Lets do this! So how was your weekend gang? Hope you guys turned up oh!, mehn mine was all shades of everything.. NO! more like my woes and fun started on Thursday… Okay first off, #NoPressure oh, but I have a kind Question for us gang… Please should we pray on stolen meat?! I mean my father has come back home, so my BIAFRAN cooking has resumed **grumbles.. Mehn you need to see me adding pepper with caution now adays oh.. heheheh Its serious like that oh! I cant fit shout :p. So last Saturday ehn, I wanted to steal meat, NO! I meant Meatsss, while I was I was cooking, and I subconsciously prayed on all the 4 pieces of meat I stole.. I hope I will not go to hell fire for that oh! Cause I hear the Air-conditioning in Hell e haf spoil, so Dear heavens.. Please sneak my name into that book of life somehow biko.. I know I aint worthy yeah, but we can work out something nah, I am Igbo like that. #NoPressure.

Last Saturday was Jildas Birthday, and damn it was hard for me not to reach out to her via Call, Text or Instagram.. Luckily for me there was plenty Alcohol in my house that day, so much that you would think Dr. Duru was getting married.. Dad, Big Bro and I just kept drinking and Drinking and drinking… at a time they had to hide the palm wine so i wouldnt finish it, and then Bam! Orijin came to my rescue :). The thing is I really miss Wajilda, but you see today we cross the threshold state, hence it is ssooo over, as once I can withstand my confused  sef from reaching out to my past for up to 1 month, then I survived.. but gang it wasn’t easy oh! When we were together yeah, I had planned **Dear Onyilola, please pass me a handkerchief.. this is a mushy time for me. **Sniff sniff **cleans watery eyes.. **blows nose.. When we were together yeah, I had planned to buy her 4 sets of Mac lipstick… **Cleans eyes, and holds chest out of heart break effect.. But having that we aren’t together, I am pleased to inform y'all that my EGO! is in my account and I am good, I bought a Plasma for my room instead sef.. It actually took the effort of the wonderful Erniesha not to reel my baby back in, and when I told Toyon Alsina at around 10 pm that I stayed away, she helped me stay sane also… Ehen! shey you guys know Raleeyat ba?! my YnC geh friend **Winks.. Chei! That geh has my Mushy mushy remote control sef, not only button biko... hehehe I intentionally stayed away from that her cause she has this convincing power over me, and if she says JdB jump from 3rd mainland Bridge I might do it Sharp sharp.. Wait! did you guys here of that guy that just parked his car on the 3rd mainland bridge, came out of it, and just jumped over the Bridge.. I think it happened last week. Mehn that was sad.. May his soul R.I.P.. I still don’t get why Suicide oh! I once taught about doing it, but then one of my mentors said to me when i confided in him that;

“Fun times of life far outweigh the bad times, so why chicken out on life (Paraphrased)”

…Plus how can I leave all these fine gehs, and Technology, and Alcohol  in this world and commit suicide?! God Forbid.. Abeg #NoPressure jo.

So I told Ribena how I felt about her on Sunday morning after I was sure I had gotten over Jilda, and the Alcohol had cleared from my eyes…  **Sits down properly on Jangolova Chair. You see that Ribena is amazingly beautiful. Mannie, Ice, Oga Boss T-notes, and Alphasoar, with all due respects chief of staffs, have you brovers ever met a lady that’s seems like she fell out of your dreams?! My! That’s how Ribena makes me feel.. She is AMAZING.. Aswear words just fail me to describe her. But the truth is I dunno if she wants me, plus she isn’t based in Lagos, as she works for one gehn gehn Multinational at Abuja. Me I know I am ready oh (i mean i was born ready for woman nah ;), more like I think.. but **In Falz the Bad guys voice.. I want the next bae that I will be like Ello Bae to, to want me as much as I do her... There's a conflict in my head if to or not to be with her.. But mehn If she says Yes.. I will officially resign from being... NO! resign ke?! Am I mad? I meant I will officially go on TEMPORAL LEAVE from being a woman wrapper… Ribena is Beautiful, awesome, amazing, Smart, Young, richer than me.. **Crying in French and has Class like Osas Ighodaro… I mean Dear heavens, please let my future wife be like her Osas.. Plus Ribena laughs a lot like Toin… **In Mzz Sykiks voice.. Oh! My Days gang, I think I am in lof nwantitin for real this time. Oh mehn! I forgot #NoPressure.

I have an issue with a very mean human being who will not let me go.. he has had me in tears, had me mocked, had me feel like I wasn’t good enough and it fucking hurts, so I have one last dance with him in some days, and I will let go and ask the heavens and the spirit of my Grand parents,  plus ask my mother to fight for me. Why are people so wicked… He derives joy in seeing me not advance with my life, but oh Well! Fuck it! mehn.. Man isn’t GOD so why beg him further. Did you guys hear Esther Koko is now a celebrity?! Well she is working with one ghen ghen Nigerian International Act, so get ready to start seeing our very own Esther koko on BellaNaija, YNaija and Ovation. Ehennn.. Yo! fam, I got this really big professional deal last week.. It’s stakes in a Telecommunication coy, and it means I will be very rich soon insha Allah. So turn up Turn up ladies and Gentlemen, my 25th Birthday parry will be awesome.. I also got a new job for a ghen ghen pay last month, but I wont be switching… I had this very long shout! Talk :) with Barr. Duru, and regardless that he got me really furious, that man is right.. Sometimes he scares the hell outta me how he is always right, like he is Nostradamus or something.. Anyways Money will come so #NoPressure..

Someone very close to me is currently in Nigeria, and I really want to see her. I mean if I do yeah, I will have that “Moses went to the mountain to talk to GOD” kinda feeling.. Mehn its gonna be awesome. But the truth is dunno if she wants to see me, so #NoPressure. I mean I am a big nut case, so sitting with me and accepting my shenanigans for even as small as 30 minutes earns any lady a Grammy sef.. Yeah that reminds me, You guys ehn… The 15 for 15 challenge this year is TOUGH! **cleans sweat.. Chisos! I never hexsperred it… Mehn those guys are breathing fire and their themes are madantin! Hehehe I fear that I have already been dethroned sef! NopE!! **Hits chest. A bum Obereagu.. I cannot fit to fear.. For he that is in me is the same as he that is in all of them, so why not if Not?! In the light of being the defending champion.. (my I like saying that) I will like to celebrate our 14 for 14 challenge victory with 3 of the YnC gang.. So if you are willing to meet with me yeah, you can send me an E-mail, or drop your intention to meet with this crazy brover in the comment section. My budget is 10k as I am broke like that oh, so biko, I no fit do pass my power **Wears sad face.. I wish I was Rich like Ausserehl :).

Now this is the kicker paragraph.. I will be going to Abuja soon.. My dad finally approved a ghen ghen thing for me, so I might be going soon. **Whispers the truth is I just wanna go meet with Ribena, Raleeyat and if possible Sophie.. Have you guys met her! Damn of you haven’t been to her blog ehn, you are sleeping on top of okada and that is a sin :).. mehhnn **In Asa’s my cousins voice; Wake up and smell the coffee.. Truth is if Ribena doesnt agree ehn, then I gat my eyes on Sophie **Winks.. Y’all need to read her blog, she is an AMAZING 22 year old child, who writes with so much life and makes you smile wit each line.. Ehen! That reminds me! Happy new month ladies and gentlemen. January was mandantin! And I met and bonded with a lot of great people in January..  Esspecially Sophie.. **Whispers I am tripping for that child big time oh! Its funny yeah, how my head can be on Ribena’s case, and my heart on Sophie.. yep! I am confused like that. So I had 1 blogger that constantly inspired me and kept me smiling in all January, and in my confused head yeah, she is my January blogger of the month is… Soo… **Drum Roll… my January blogger of the month is 

Clara! Of life www.laviedeclarao.blogspot.com

Now I bonded with her on a totally amazing level, and it has been awesome. Also my top 3 posts on Blogsville in January were:



These 3 above posts were mad like that, and i almost stood up and started clapping at my P.C after reading them :). So that’s it gang.. This was a totally unplanned post, and please blame it on Toinlicious… Toin!!! You have taught me how to be writing random posts ba…  I just pray that this post touches someones heart, and makes at least 1 person smile. Ehen! Ms TLG resurrected and went back to heaven for a brisk amount of time last week **Shines teeth.. I love that lady like Kilode as she is hilarious. I just kept smiling like a fish as i read her comment on my mobile.

Testimony Time: Ppprrrraaaaiiiisssseee tha Lawd somebory! **In My Igbo Accent! Umu Chineke Eh! So Toin finally changed her Watsapp profile picture.. I mean that’s a big Deal.. I and T-Notes have been toasting Toin for well over 6 months and she had 1 winchie-wichie teddy bear as her Display picshur all the while.. Y’all know Toin is anonymous right?! Mehn Y’all need to see Toins face, she is Beautiful Aswear.. I mean Agbani Darego has nothing on her, and the only person close to fine as Toin is Ribena and Ayo.. **Tongue out at Toin.. lmao.. It’s a lie jari.. Toin is not fine like that biko… **runs away.

Thank you for the past 7 minutes of your time great young mind, you guys do me a great honor with it! Dear Brovers, has a geh you are toasting ever told you that You must be very stupid?!  Heheheh SMH for myself.. I said something utterly stupid and I mean STUPID to a lady on watsapp last Friday, a lady i was trying to woo oh! and she said that to me. When she said it yeah, I just started laughing like a cow :). DO have an amazing week fam, and my prayer for you is that this week, GOD will give you series of reasons to DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING..

P.S: Did you guys here of the #DBanjat10 hash tag on Instagram.. He said Twerk, ordinary Twerk oh! and some ladies were dancing Atilogo.. Mcheeeww… smh. Cheers fam. OOossshhhheeey!

Oya lemme copy Janyl:

Instagram-Youngandconfused_byjdb
Twitter- Young&confused_byjdb
Account-Number: 7300978310
ATM-Pin:1991.



#Udo #ItcanonlybeGOD 

30 comments:

  1. Hmm! Duru!
    If Wajilda's birthday was this hard then I hope you survive 'Falentines' day oh.
    Hopefully Ribena go don gree for you by then.
    Wait! Why didn't you just call to say hi or are you going for total abstinence? If so maybe that's for the best. Can't say I blame you.
    Pls leave Toin for T.Notes and face Ribena oh. U hia?

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    1. hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahah Funmi!!!!! Lmao! Why did you have to do this to me nah?! **sniff sniff.. **Cleans Eyes and holds chest cause of heart break effect...Why did you have to remind me of **In Funmi's voice.. "Falentine's day".. lmao... You are Epic aswear. Amen oh! I really do hope Ribena says yes..

      hahahahahahah this comment has me in stitches aswear.. Its officially my best comment yet as per February is concerned. lwkmdoooo You see the thing with Ribena ehn Bubba, is that there is #NoPressure. We spoke yesterday and we resolved to just grow togera.. what will happen will happen noni. Leave Toin ke?! Bia whose side are you oin?! Me or T-Notes Baba?! No oh! I am not leaving my Toyin Tomato for T-Notes.. Not gonna happen.. Thank you Funmi, you need to see me smiling like a fish cause of this comment. You Rock Bubba. Thank you for supporting the YnC dream. xx

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  2. First of all nigga, this post took more than 7mins....... but i enjoyed it either way
    Ribena wherever you r can you please agree to date this confused fella so we can have peace of mind and he can leave the other girls alone.......
    But come o your 25th birthday is next year na y u come dey talk the matter now? i can be your event planner if you want sha

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    1. hehehehehehehehehehehe Good day my ACCURATE TIME KEEPERS, and panel of TIME judges.. Chei Esther Koko, because of you ehn Bubba, i used stop watch to test read this post and it was 7 minutes kpom kpom.. but still you are still winchhie-winchieing my movement .. diarisgodooo Esther Koko... hehehehe Kai I love you much bubba, always giving me a reason to smile..

      Yes oh, the big 25 is next year GOD willing, so i am planning in advance nah.. Shey it is Fake it Till you make it... bet ofcourse, you can help plan the event nah, shey be it is FREE you will do it nah?! You can even plan my wedding sef as long as it is FREE. Thank you so much for the support bubba, aswear I didnt think anybody would like this post like that.. Thank GOD you could relate to my confusion.. You Rock Bubba.. **In Moby's voice.. Oya chop wet French Kiss.. Mwwwaahh! You na Boss lady toh Sure... xx

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  3. Lmaooo after washing me like that, you now decided to rain on my parade *in Duru's voice* God will judge you.
    Leme still hide my face sha, I'm shy *hides face* But you know you can wash for Africa. Kai, I've been thoroughly washed. Forget sef, I'm not bathing again today lool

    But come o, Adolphus! Adolphus! Adolphus! How many times did i call you?

    I'm def giving the toast at you and Ribena's wedding *sips ribena*

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    1. heheheheheheheheheheeh Toin! Toin!! Toin!!!! I love you baje baje aswear.. You always crack me up on a different level! Awesome is the word for you Bubba.. lmao.. bet of course nah, were you hexsperring me to wash you all the way, i had to both wash and unwash you at the same time nah Egbon.. lmao.... hahahahahah @ not bathing again.. you are Epic bubba, aswear... About the wedding, bet offcourse, if you agree to be the chief sponsor, you can give 12 toasts sef.. na money matter nah.. **Winks.. In other news, Egbon your beauty confuses me aswear. I think I am in Love with thee already.. **T-Notes Baba, please back off.. Toin tomato is mine.. **Shines teeth.

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  4. Mehn! This was a big S/O to a 1001 ladies Duru, no single mention of a guy(if you had I would have suspected you sha). Honestly though, I don't know how you manage to get a smile out of me even when your post is randomly random.

    I shall begin a one week xperialess-fast on your behalf with my prayer focus being Ribena loving you senseless so your confusion can multiply *tongue out*

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    1. heheheheh ahan nah! I greeted My Oga Boss's them nah! Ice, Mannie, T-Notes and Alphasoar.. Chei!!! See as Lola Wants to set me up ooo... kai Diarisgodoooo... mehn! hehehehehe You have me smiling at my phone like a fish :) #Ello Bae, dont set me up bae :)

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    2. heheheheheheheheheh Lola!! Lola!!! Lola!!!!! please fast oh! Fast and scabbash for me on top sef, cause I want Ribena Baje Baje.. lmao! infact Sew seed on my behalf and join, i suggest you sew the seed called Sony Xperia into my life to begin with, maybe that is what is holding back the relationship **Shines teeth... **Shines teeth AGAIN.. :) heheheheheh You always make me laugh like a fish, not smile oh! Laugh Bubba, you are my energy aswear.. You guys are.. Thank you for being a blessing and for being an Angel to put a smile on my confused face all time every time.. **In Wizkids voice.. I fit die on top your matter eh.. Lola oh! You too sweet god bless your mother eh.. baby oh! :) Cheers Bubba, Thanks for believing in the confused dream.

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  5. Awww. This post was all shades of amazing, funny, lovely, mushy (even me I wanted to grab the hankie with you at some point).. I am glad at all the ghen ghen news I'm reading here!! Bubba congratulations and well done (job, Abuja trip, maga-paying deal in the works) Haa I am happy and privileged to know you..

    *big hugs* for Saturday... My brother, it is well.. Things will only get better inugo? Sending loads and loads of loveeee your way and praying that God blesses you immensely! xxxx

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    1. Ayo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you so plenty much.. Amen oh at your prayers! Thank you for the love and support bubba, you know nah, i am just struggling to be like you! as you are a boss lady like that nah.. Our OAP and celebrity toh sure baje baje.. On a ghen ghen level...**Shines teeth... Ah! and i thought i was the washer here oh, 1 + THE ONE has thoroughly washed me and even added starch on top with this line: "Haa I am happy and privileged to know you.." hehehe Thank you so much Bubba, you have had my back from the very beginning, and words fail me to say how grateful i am.. You are a blessing Bubba, a big one.. xx... Oooossshhey! E-Hugs.. You Rock 1+THE ONE.. On all levels you do.. Ooossshhey Again! **Wears Mr. Nigeria smile...

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  6. You sound like the younger brother I never had. (If such a thing is possible) I'm seeing all the testimonies we must to test the monies with you oh.
    Hiya hunnaay

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    1. Awwwgghhh Lohla toh sure Baje Baje.. Thank you so much Bubba.. **Scratches head.. But it is not fair oh Lohla, you just Brother Zoned me just like that.. **Cryiong in French heheheheheh Amen Bubba, someday soon insha Allah, we go TEST the MONEY wella oh! You Rock Bubba, thanks for coming by.. Thanks for the support.. Oooossshhhey!

      @Amaka... **Shines teeth.. Be writing Epic dia, dont come and drop ya own comment.. **Winks.. Love you much Amaka, how is Sokoto?

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  7. I'm not surprised at this post. You are a confused nigga. yeye dey smell. anyways u always turn up. abeg no compare any babe with my crush Osas :p.


















    #Mannie

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    1. Bia Mannie, na wetin make me kill person for Bayelsa in the year 1942 be this oooo.. Which one be Osas is your crush?! Bia dont even think it oh! I mean dont go dia **Wears straight face.. Osas is mine.. and mine alone.. I aint sharing Osas with no one... Just jejely leave my #Bae for me mbok..

      hehehehehehehe craze man, your own na to just to dey set me up Oga Boss.. Diarisgodoooo.. lmao! Craze man.. You na bosss.. ma nigga for long.. Thanks for having my back sir GGMUB thats the prayer... #Allubarka.

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  8. Erhmmmm Papi...I struggled reading this...It was everywhere!!!!!...**panting**...Okay...now this is a loaded shoutout mehn....I am just glad you did nothing bout her birthday mehnnnn....you need to get over her first thennnnnn you can consider being friends and then on her next birthday, you can get her something....Sounds crazy eh...buh trust me on that eh....I smiled while reading this eh....you did good Papi...

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    1. **Points at Toin.. Ernie blame Toinlicious oh! Blame her.. hehehehe I learnt how to do confused posts like this from her... She is the Queen bee.. Yeah, i am glad i didnt reel her in too, cause i woke up more fulfilled on February the 1st.. I mean regardless of how gangster i am proving to be yeah, i really do still miss her, but the truth is inasmuch as I want to move on yeah, I just wanna be sure WHEN, as I dont wanna draw any innocent lady into a ring of my confusion just to heal and hurt her in turn... Lmao! @ Her Next Birthday.. hhmmmmnnnn That kinda sounds like a good idea though.. I Will think about it.. Turn up Turn Up Ladies and gentlemennnnn Erniesha toh Sure is in the building fam.. Oooossshhhey! Cheers Bubba, you are AMAZING. xx

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  9. How many yards did I say your woman wrapper was again? Oya I'm adding another 1000,000, kilode?! LOL; #kontinhu on the booze o! How's your dad doing? Up your game on the pepper quantity and don't injure him o! #wakaabout
    Good read papi

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    1. hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah 1,000,000 yards haba nah Eniola, I am not that bad nah! **Crying in French.. **In Jildas voice, you are making me feel like a pimping with this comment sha.. iLikey.,, **winks Father is doing great we thank GOD, we are all chilling chilling..

      Trust me Bubba, I handle Pepper with Doctors prescription now adays oooo.. i refuse to die of pepper attack. lmao! thanks for coming by Bubba, you always leave me with a smile that stays almost the whole day when i think about your comment.. You are awesome Bubba, in every sense of the word you are. oooossshey! E-hugs

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  10. Duru! Continue! Woman wrapper of the century.

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  11. Duru, Duru i saw your comment oo lolol you are a sweet talker. Thanks joo.
    Now i know why they all calling you woman wrapper lol
    fashionitazbybuiti.blogspot.com

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  12. Ah Duru our original incorrigible woman wrapper. I tire for you! I'm actually looking forward to you getting married and settled down, so that you heart can rest for a bit. All this palpitations and "heartbreaks" can't be good for the poor organ. *pls God, provide your dear son Adolf with a beautiful, intelligent angel fit for him, so that we his sisters can hear word. Amen!*

    And my favourite aburo (looks quickly round), thanks so much for the shout out. You know you're my original paddy/the sugar in my tea/the cockroach in my wardrobe ati be be lo :*

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  13. My Tweenieme shining on damn background..shining teeth (borrowing someone's line) lol Feeling the special one.This is week is gonna end in bliss feels and shines all the way.Thank you Bubba...you are a rocker

    The words have disappeared even ririzmusigngs.blogspot.com cherishes you all the way

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  14. Duru my one and only love for now, so our car is coming soon huh? I have so many things to write but hands are aching so I will leave it when I call ya. How are you handsome? you did me bad thing shey you know.

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  15. Phew, I am now more confused than ever.....all these babes on top of only you or is it you on top of all these babes matter.....kilode......to imagine you already have plan B for in case of incasity if Ribena no gree......lmao....you are one funny dude.

    Your posts are always witty and I leave grinning every time.

    Keep up the good work and may your heart not burst one day from falling in love over and over again


    You mean you stole 4 pieces of meat from the cooking pot......I will tell your daddy for you

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  16. My Nigga nigga Duru, mehn this post this post took me more than 7 minutes to read but sha I enjoyed it.... With all the mushy mushy feelings.... . Ehn Ribena Mbok, pls, biko say yes to my confused half baked ibo brother so that he won't be heart broken again, cos plenty girls have been breaking his plastic heart, maybe I should just fix him, so he will have iron man's heart, let me see how it will be broken.....Ehmmm point of correction Duru isn't a woman wrapper, he is just one nigga who likes having alternatives.

    #Dalu

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  17. Thank God God no be man o cos if man be God I for don't die o I for don't kpeme o! This song got in my head while reading that line in your post!
    Don't mind all them peeps Jor....wanting to hunt down your wealth! Haha

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    1. Don* stupid auto correct mbok its time we really demand that naija lingo pad I've been grumbling about

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    2. Don* stupid auto correct mbok its time we really demand that naija lingo pad I've been grumbling about

      Delete