Happy valentine's day. I'm pretty sure the gifts have started rolling in progressively. It sure feels good to celebrate love, especially with the ones we love and care about, even though I'm a party to the believe that love should be celebrated everyday of our lives as opposed to waiting for a single day in a year to show the deepness of our love or gratitude to our loved ones. Or what do you guys think?
I was talking to a friend of mine who recently broke up with a guy she taught she loved. And according to her, "she's found herself". She's the type of girl who usually gives her all into a relationship. Her time, her effort her support, emotions and sacrifices. She's one I would normally call the "mother of love" as she can love for the world. This style however, has ended up hurting her one too many times and this led me to the thought: "which is more important: To love or be loved?"
Duru and I decided to share a post on each others blog as a guest post, addressing the question from our different point of views.
As I sat and thought to myself, it appeared that stories like my friend's are very common. People tending to love more than they are being loved in return, thus, there is usually the "lover" and the "beloved" in every relationship. We are either one or the other. Very rarely are we lucky enough to be both. In the case of my friend, she was definitely the lover. She invested an immense amount of time, emotion and devotion to a person whom she thought loved her just as much.
Now I don't know about you, but with regards to relationships, I usually prefer being the "beloved" rather than the "lover". This is not because I am selfish or unfair but because, just like my friend, I tend to love deeply which automatically makes me feel very vulnerable in a relationship where I do more of the loving. But then again, one thing I have learnt and noticed is that; I can never fully appreciate being loved until I have loved, and I shall never truly be able to love until I have been loved. So, they sorta go together, hand in hand.
One of the most terrifying aspects of loving someone is not having that love reciprocated. And the other end of this can also be terrifying, receiving a suffocating amount of love when you ain't actually in love with the giver. So therefore, in my opinion, it seems safer to constantly be the lover. And by assuming that role, we can be sure that we have the power in the relationship to reveal as much or as little emotion toward the beloved as we want. This however, doesn’t go without the potential consequence of pain, but it does put us in the so-called driver’s seat.
To only be the "lover" on the other hand, seems like a dead-end to me. So, I think in a nutshell, what is most ideal, would be, to be both equally loved and beloved. But how do we find the balance? Are relationships ever really that equal and fair, or are we living in constant fear of being too much of one or the other?
I'd love to hear your thoughts/opinions on this:
To love or be loved, which is more important to you?
Enjoy the rest of your day :)