Saturday, 14 February 2015

TO LOVE OR BE LOVED? by SOPHIE AUDU!!!!

Hey guys!

Happy valentine's day. I'm pretty sure the gifts have started rolling in progressively. It sure feels good to celebrate love, especially with the ones we love and care about, even though I'm a party to the believe that love should be celebrated everyday of our lives as opposed to waiting for a single day in a year to show the deepness of our love or gratitude to our loved ones. Or what do you guys think? 

I was talking to a friend of mine who recently broke up with a guy she taught she loved. And according to her, "she's found herself". She's the type of girl who usually gives her all into a relationship. Her time, her effort her support, emotions and sacrifices. She's one I would normally call the "mother of love" as she can love for the world. This style however, has ended up hurting her one too many times and this led me to the thought: "which is more important: To love or be loved?"



Duru and I decided to share a post on each others blog as a guest post, addressing the question from our different point of views.

As I sat and thought to myself, it appeared that stories like my friend's are very common. People tending to love more than they are being loved in return, thus, there is usually the "lover" and the "beloved" in every relationship. We are either one or the other. Very rarely are we lucky enough to be both. In the case of my friend, she was definitely the lover. She invested an immense amount of time, emotion and devotion to a person whom she thought loved her just as much. 

Now I don't know about you, but with regards to relationships, I usually prefer being the "beloved" rather than the "lover". This is not because I am selfish or unfair but because, just like my friend, I tend to love deeply which automatically makes me feel very vulnerable in a relationship where I do more of the loving. But then again, one thing I have learnt and noticed is that; I can never fully appreciate being loved until I have loved, and I shall never truly be able to love until I have been loved. So, they sorta go together, hand in hand. 

One of the most terrifying aspects of loving someone is not having that love reciprocated. And the other end of this can also be terrifying, receiving a suffocating amount of love when you ain't actually in love with the giver. So therefore, in my opinion, it seems safer to constantly be the lover. And by assuming that role, we can be sure that we have the power in the relationship to reveal as much or as little emotion toward the beloved as we want. This however, doesn’t go without the potential consequence of pain, but it does put us in the so-called driver’s seat.

To only be the "lover" on the other hand, seems like a dead-end to me. So, I think in a nutshell, what is most ideal, would be, to be both equally loved and beloved. But how do we find the balance? Are relationships ever really that equal and fair, or are we living in constant fear of being too much of one or the other?

I'd love to hear your thoughts/opinions on this: 

To love or be loved, which is more important to you?

Enjoy the rest of your day :)

23 comments:

  1. I remember how the older sister of a very good friend used to tell us as teenagers to always choose to be the more loved one than to be the one loving extra. Of course I didn't understand what that meant until a friend went thru several relationships where she "over loved" and dedicated her whole life to these men only to have them break her heart. Of course she never learned but I learned from her past experiences and it made me understand what the older sis drummed out. Now some people would probably take this to mean don't love at all, but I see it as fall in love but guard your heart, know what's important (which is your well-being) and don't drown yourself. Should love have a special day? Duh! Yes after all, we have mothers, fathers, children, workers day etc...why not a day dedicated to lovers?
    I do not think there's such a thing as equal love because for me, love should not be measured...it should just be. Love some one with all your heart (erm of course they should love you right back and its easy to tell) but guard it, have an open mind, compromise for each other. Gorgeousness loves PDAs and I don't but I don't mind his touching and kissing in public cos that's what he likes. I hate flowers and mushy crap and told him never to gift me flowers. He doesn't even though he would come home with flowers everyday if I said the word. I don't eat sea food but he loves it and he's OK with it not being in our menu after all, so many options out there. He doesn't do fruits(he's allergic to most so we stick to ordinary grapes and oranges) and he can't handle ogbono soup (loves egusi and would eat it daily if he could) so we don't do a lot of fruits and ogbono cos of him and I don't mind. Why? Because we love each other and are willing to compromise... we are both important to us!

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    1. I totally agree with you hun..you've got to love but guard your heart wisely.

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    2. like J just did justice to your question handsome, love but guard your heart biko.

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  3. Like you rightfully put it, they go together.
    It is expedient that you find someone that you can love just as much as it's necessary that they reciprocate.
    For me I get inspired to give even more in any relationship when I do not feel like my love is being taken for granted and that can only happen if I feel truly loved

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    1. Same here hun..feeling truely loved makes me give/show more love..they go hand in hand. Loving someone who doesn't love you back is more of a pain than a motivation.

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  4. Love can't be measured but we all know that point where we are overloving... there has to be a sort of balance. if you love yourself first and well enough, you'll know when you're getting enough love or when to ask for your "due" and when to pull out
    Nice writing Sophie

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    1. Thank you Esther. First rule of love: love yourself! Only then can you be loved by others.

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  5. Love can't be measured but we all know that point where we are overloving... there has to be a sort of balance. if you love yourself first and well enough, you'll know when you're getting enough love or when to ask for your "due" and when to pull out
    Nice writing Sophie

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  6. Great angle. Sophie! And great post.

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  7. Guys Pls I need u to answer a question

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  8. What will u do if u r boy friend is dead broke and jobless? And guy that asks for money but not that frequent. Everyday he is submitting cv and going for exams. Its just like a deja vu cus I have dated a broke guy before. How do I manage to attract this guys? Non he says he wants to travel abroad and don't his masters. I am going to be 26 years old this year. I don't think I can wait for him. Eheee! The worst part is that he likes sex. I don't think a jobless broke guy should have an errection. I am not a sex person. When I tell him know cus he is huge and taller than I am he forces himself on me telling me I like playing hard to get. The worst of all is one day he didn't just protection. There r many things I don't want. I don't want tibia offend God, I don't want to get pregnant in his broke state, n I don't want to catch any disease. Apart from all this is that he is a loving guy down to earth. But the greatest test of a man is when he has everything cus when they have nothing they seem so loyal cushions they can't afford to toast that high class babe. As for me I am far from broke in my own way. At least I can boast of 700k in my account. Well I broke up with him before vals day cus I didn't want to be disappointed and I am unhappy in the relationship. I hate being broke and I don't like a situation where my bf is broke too. 

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    1. One thing I believe is that love conquers all things. I know its weird but I prefer starting up with a guy and growing rich with him. May be its because I've learnt from my elderly relatives that the true test of love is at the very bottom. This is not to say I would be comfortable with the fact that my bf is broke and Jobless. There are two types of people in that category. 1) the people who are broke and jobless and aren't even bothered about it. 2) those who are broke and Jobless but persevering. The question is what group does he belong to? Is he broke and is seriously making efforts to get on his feet or is he just comfortable taking from you? Personally tho, if my bf was broke and jobless, I would encourage him through his Job hunt and support him financially and spiritually the best way I can. I would also avoid askn or demanding for much and also try to link him up with potential prospects if I know any. But then again, I wouldn't make him so comfortable that he has to be asking me fr money all the time. About the sex, if a guy truely loves you, he'llld respect your decision concerning that. But from the look of things, I guess this wouldn't be much of a help to you as what really matters is happiness in a relationship and you seem to be unhappy which is why you broke up with him. In a nut shell though, I would say let your breaking up with him not be as a result of his brokeness and joblessness cause this is the time he needs you most. I don't know if this helps.

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    2. Mehnnn!!! Dont all we just love Sophie?! her wisdom has no limits...I second that Victorious, if the brother don't make you happy yeah, then walk away.. Temporal pain is far better than a long lasting pain.

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  9. Sophie hun, I can totally relate you know why, sometimes or most times the world is so unfair to women that we feel we have to tighten up our security. I love to love, oh yes no matter how hard it gets sometimes, I just like doling it out in full measure you know why? Its my God given nature. Btw I love you too.

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    1. Awww suzz hun.. I love you more.. Funny enough yeah a question was once asked at my chrch. Is it harder to love or be submissive as it's been said "men love your wives. Women, submit to your husbands" I used to think being submissive was harder but then again I realise love was harder because even when there's no submission, you still have to love. Love is the sweetest thing yet, the hardest. But regardless of what ever we face, we still have to love because God himself is love.

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    2. My god you are smart Sophie.. Truly yeah, we have to love even at times when we are not loved (not being submitted to) cause GOD himself is love.., That was Deep baby mi aswear.. :)

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  10. I agree with you on the equal measure thing. Having it both ways make the most sense

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    1. Yes, nothing like loving and being loved

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  11. Yeah Toin..having it both ways is definitely the best. :)

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  12. I love to love and to be loved in return, and I believe that love can be mutual

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  13. Love finds us we don't choose to love the pipo we love instead love chooses for us and the same applies to the measure of love.we can never measure how much love we shd giv to our spouses.it flows naturaly if its tru love its irresistible.u find yoself giving in soo much n we can't blame ourselves Cz ts natural we only have to pray to God that he gives us that self control so that we can guard our hearts.otherwise there's nothing like choosing to love or to be the beloved.it jst happens.

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