Monday, 20 April 2015

#MyBachelorsDiary_Why Am I Still single sef?!



Pre-Script! A big Ghen ghen Shout out to Oga Boss Blogoratti! I mean that Brover is one of the most ghen ghenly consistent persons on blogsvile that I know.. (just like Erniesha), and he has shown Mariam and I so much love in the past weeks… I hope you get to see this sir, as i am really grateful...  Bigger you I pray! Thanks for being a strong support Oga Boss… **In Wizkids voice.. Amin o! Amin! Wa kpe l'aye oh! Amin! God bless You Amin! Oh! God bless me Amin oh! Pa-ran-ran-ran-ran-ran-rannnnnn .. Pa-ran-ran-ran-ran-ran-rannnnnnn.. PO-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-rooooo… PO-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-rooooo

**Cleans face.. and then **Rants!! I had to change a flat Tire by 4: 47 AM today! Gang Can you imagine?! Me wearing all this my baff up and changing Tire.. Mcheww!! Mcheeeww again sef.. The stress killed my perfume and had me smelling all engine oil engine oil up and down.. :( Hmmnnn A nefer Hexsperred it aswear! **Takes off confused bracelet like a Jim Iyke… then **Takes off Brown Rubber wrist watch in slow motion like Paul Walker (R.I.P) in F.F.7... The Ojoro in that film ehn!! Chisos!!! **cleans sweat! a kuDunt BeliFit as in a Nefer Hexsperred it pichinkom! Paul Walker could literally run on air! Kai!! Onyibo pipo ehnnn.. I hail thee... Ehen! **Takes off Red Rubber band that I have been unconsciously bathing with since the past 4 days **Covers face… Oosssshheey Turn uP!!! Turn up! Turn Up! ladies and Gentlemen.. **In sexy beauRRiful Moby’s voice.. Kilopnpop! Kilonshele?! and **In the amazing Sophies Voice… What gwanning gang?! Whats the freaking 411 people?! Ossshheeey Turn UP **Singing.. and Bumping Head like an Agama Lizard.. Turn Down for what?! Turn Down for what?! So you see guys! Before I begin to commence to start, I will like to say an Oya Shake Borry  loud rooftop kinda Congratulobia to the great NaijaSingleGeh!  **Scratches Head! I dunno her YET! But she won the most Humorous Blog award in the NBA 2014! **Sniff Sniff hehehe and then **Cleans Eyes.. .. I beg Y’all to head on there ASAP.. Shout out to my wonderful Blog mother  whom I love to pieces, and all who voted for the YnC blog! I mean you guys are the real MvP's. Hehehehe When I went to Dr. Duru’s room to tell her we didn’t win yeah.. she went all Ehyaaaa!!! Ndo! on me.. Aswear.. E remain smallllllll... I for cry! heheheh Mehn the Ehya pain me pass the not winning sef :D. If basic N.B.A dey pain like this, I wonder how Jonathan must haf felt..  **Deep sigh Heheheheheh Issorait! My Sister can know how to make me feel mushy mushy ehn! If that geh preach for you, you will become Born Again twice...  So gist me awon goons mi.. What did I miss?!



Oya to the koks of the koko of the day… Guys is it me, or is that NoBoRRy wants to date me?! Or is that I am too broke a Nigga?! Or am I wowo like that?! Or am I trying too hard?! Or is it that I am too confused a brother?! Well this I can say yes to shaa or is that I am just not ready?! or that my village people are hard on my maRRa?! I mean Since I kinda stepped on the brakes with Ribena, my love game seems to be crashing like the Stock market of 2008.. **Deep Sigh.. Its either love is waaayyy too expensive or that it is not my calling?! Oh well.. Leggo...

So what do I love about being single?! PlenRRy things biko.. I love the fact that I can go to the club and get grinded upon by Random girls like I am a grinding stone.. I like the fact that i can do Touching boRRy and end with an "Oh! I am sorry.. It was a mistake" line heheheh.. I like the fact that even though I haf not successfully hit the mark recently, I can invite old female friends to my hotel room and play randy with no remorse… I like the fact that I don’t have to dress to impress for an outing :p, as I can wear whatever shoe I want whenever, I like the fact that I can play stupid investment pranks with my entire small salary and not be afraid cause I have no responsibility to make another mans child smile monthly… I love the fact that I can trek from Costain to Alaba eating hot burning Egg Roll and pure water, with my shirt unbuttoned like Superman without the fear of 

“T! I saw your boyfriend trekking” 

**Covers face… **In Ayo Thompson’s voice.. I lovvveeeeeettt… But the what do I hate about being single?! Omo e PlenRRRyy.. I hate that regardless that I can sleep at night, I wake up and shower almost 3 times each night cause boRRy no be fire wood **Winks.. I hate the fact that there is noborry to tell me "JdB I need Mac Lipstick and a new shoe…" meeehhnn that Mac  shi is almost 3,500 per 1 on Konga oh! "Or this or that" and I have to bring out calculator to punch my account balance.. I hate the fact that NoBorry calls me after this suffer head place and asks **In Wajildas voice.. "How are you Jo?! I just wanted to check if you are dead".. Kai I miss that child.. and the crowd goes.. Awwwgghhh.. I hate the fact that I have to feel so alone all the time..

In the light of this I ask myself; why tha Hell am I stil single?! And the truth is aswear I dunno! I mean I could go out and get hitched right now.. All I have to do is wear my “I know who I am" charm, smile like a Turkey and Fake it Till I make it...  plus if I kuku like you, it will take Amadioha's Lightning to stop me from Toasting you, cause I am a very persistent SomeboRRy… But I don’t just get why I don’t wanna… Maybe I am just not ready.. I mean everytime I have tried to fall inside the wahala pit of love ehn, I have realized that I had to give something up! I had to step up my game, I had to sacrifice my time or my kinikan, I had to pay a price... I sha just had to give up something and that’s the part I do not totally get! I mean why can’t I just meet a girl, fall in lof with her.. have her like me in the same EQUAL amount, play protected dice in the bedroom randomly but hope to not SCORE a six, meet our families, get married and live happily ever after?!  I wonder why there ALWAYS has to be something to determine our love.. a sorta price: be it Wealth difference, Tribe, or Distance e.t.c.. The truth is I am tired aswear.. and I might just go celibate till further notice, cause I just cant afford it. The pain or the time.


Aswear I am currently crushing on Molola like mad, and I barely just met her on Blogsville oh **covers face.. I mean you need to see this Childs Instagram page, she is a very beauriful someboRRy! the kind that I could literally give my arm to be with.. She is amazing gang! I tell you.... Amazing.. (go on her blog if you doubt me)But the thing is just like it has been each time I get to this cross road, something always comes up that makes the relationship too costly to buy.. Plus i have a tendency to get bored easily and want more.. **my colleague teases me like crazy as he asks if i will ever get married.. smh! I haf been talking with Barr. Duru a lot about marriage lately sef.. **Whispers..That man is definitely planning someRRin marriage related.. I feel there is one Igbo geh in the village being groomed for my maRRa.. as the talk is becoming PleNRRy.. But the truth is with the way I feel, the consistent want for more.. Will I be able to stay faithful in marriage?! This I ask myself time and time again.. :(

Thers a babe from Uni on my head now who no wan make I rest! "JdB lets go to ICM Ikeja" "lets hangout.." "Lets do this" and "lets do that!" And in my head I am like "Je ki orie kpe oh!" Am I look like your father?! And this my people is why I might never be hitched anytime soon.. Some gehs put a price tag on, and just want to milk you like a cow.. I mean milk both your wallet and your lower boRRy :).I mean on my way to this place of survival, I almost promised to not date till I am 24 years 6 months old, but since I know how **clears thorat  Hungry I am for a real TLC, I haf decided to reject the demon whispering that in my ear! So I will not come and go and be laid again till I am 24 years 6 months?! I reject you that evil spirit mbok and cast you into River Benue! heheheh.. All in all, I still dont geRRit! Why am I still single?!




P.S: All posts written under the #MyBachelorsDiary series are born out of cravings, Lust, lack of love and the want for the midnight touch of a woman in love.. If you still dont geRRit and you are like this “boy is confused..” **Well **Scratches head! No vex oh! Please remember the name of the blog, I really! Am! **Wears Mischievous Mr. Nigeria smile…

Thank you for the past 7 minutes of your time gang, you guys are the real MvP! My prayer for you is that you will not have to change Tire when you baff up finish and be smelling like Engine Oil up and down inside sweat with your white packet shirt afterwards, cause **in Ijagila’s voice… that shi aint easy.

P.S: I would like to say a ghen ghen Thank you to Uloma from Instagram, she has been a silent member of this Blog and all the while. Before we connected yeah, each time she lofs me sori instagram by liking a picSHur, I just had this.. “Pastor says this is my next geh friend feeling..” about her **Okay that was a joke oh! Heheheh Well we connected last week lori WhatsApp, and she is just as amazing as Raleeyat who is President of The Silent Readers Association and my personal Baby mi toh Sure :).. Thank you for loving us Bubba’s… You both Rock…




#Udo #ItcanonlybeGOD

28 comments:

  1. Awwwwwww I see someone is lonely small
    Don't worry I'm sure you'll meet someone who won't even let u think n then you'd just fall flat on your face

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    1. Osssshheeeeyy! Singles Support group!! hehehehehe Amin oh!!! make she do quick come oh! This brover e haf toooooo suffer l;ori plywood :)! How are you Baby mi?! I saw your missed call Lori phone mi, amma call you Back by say 10 AM your time.. **Shines teeth.. (Make we sef dey do like say we dey Obodo Onyibo too nah...) Thank you Esther Koko for loving a confused boy! You Rock!!! Bubba aswear you do...

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  2. Awwwww this was so heart felt..I guess you should quit asking why and start enjoying the moment. You don't have to be with someone to eliminate loneliness cuz u can be in a relationship and still be lonely..enjoy ur single hood while it lasts..the right person will come at d ryt time. Xx

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    1. This line was amazing: "u can be in a relationship and still be lonely" and to it the crowd goes Osssshheeey Turn uP! heheheh Truue that Bubba, That line hit me like an Injection..as Truly! We dont have to be in a relationship to be happy, but sometimes it just kinda gets to me Sophie.. I mean Ribena and I were on our way there but it was thwarted by distance.. Oh well! In time I guess.. In time.. Thank you Sophie toh sure for coming by.. You Rock Baby mi, you really do.. Oooossshhheeeyyy Turn uP!

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  3. Plus u are still the most humourous blog to me. Hugs*.

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    1. Awwwgghh Thank you Baby mi... You are the bestest Best **Shines Upcoming white 32 Teeth #ItcanonlybeGOD.

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  4. Haha, all that Intro got me feeling like a Prince. Scratch that...the KING. Thanks bro!
    Now on to this man problem...charity stars from home, no? So look around blogsville, I'm sure you got your eyes on a few of the ladies already-so...the ball's in your court really.
    Appreciate the shoutout, cheers!

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    1. Oosssshheeeeyyy Turn uP!! Blogoratti toh sure! Thanks for the support sir.. I tell you Oga Boss.. You are the real MVP aswear.. **Whispers.. Bros Dont shout it nah.. If the ladies of Blogsville know i am seriously looking for love ehn, any one i toast will be forming sen-se-le-se for me nah.. **Winks.. heheheheheh Thanks for being a strong support and pillar in the past weeks Oga Boss, its always fun to read from you.. and the crowd goes Yeeeaaahhh mehn!

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    2. Wow! Blogoratti, this is your longest comment I have seen so far. Just great!.. Kudos to JdB for bringing out this long comment....lol.
      Many thanks bro.

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  5. I can't wait for that girl that will make your raging body become as meek as a sheep to come already. Hey don't worry God will surely give you the Maggi to your Afang,,, Lol. Just pray always for guidance from God.

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    1. hehehehehehehehehehehehehe Relllllllaaaaaaaa!! this Geh always has me in iron stitches aswear.. heheheheheh Amen oh! **In Tyreese's voice.. Hold my hand baby mi.. Pray with me that I will get an Angel in Human form. hehehehe. Thanks for coming by Rella, once i see your name ehn.. I just start laughing by default.. You are amazing I tell you! Amazing...

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  6. a confused dude will awaz be single...n to tink he's young self



    Yep, I thought if I told the truth, my friend would look at me like I was the last banana left on the shelf. The one that no one wants to buy because everyone else has avoided it so you assume there’s something wrong with it.
    I wanted him to think that someone, somewhere thought I was pretty darn special – as though I couldn’t be pretty darn special flying solo! How wrong is that? Wronger than Miley Cyrus touching herself onstage that’s how wrong. And 99% of the time I know this, it’s just that 1% of the time irrational thoughts take over my brain and I go a bit crazy. CLICK I TOLD THE BENDED TRUTH to read more

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    1. hhahahahahahahahah **Wait oh! Favour! are you for me or against me?! hehehe Which way nah! **Wear Straight face.. and **Crying in Catalan... I will do you back you will see :) Thanks for coming by Baby mi, you are like the sun you brighten up a part of my life.. and the crowd goes Awwwwwggghhh

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  7. And i'm like "Oh my!!! This guy is really confused"

    catwalkwithpat.blogspot.com

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    1. heheheheheheheheheheheheh Cat walk with Pat!! **Covers face.. You know I am trying to geRRout of this utterly confused lifestyle nah Bubba.. You Really do.. heheheheh Thanks for coming by Baby mi! I have this really large smile cause of you! ..and the crowd goes.. Oosssshheey Turn uP!

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  8. I have always wanted to use that first meme. But no ons asks me while i am still single :(
    Anyways, bros abeg rest small you here? All this ashawo you are doing.......fill in the blanks.
    Now, lemme go and read the post.

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  9. Jdb let's go to kfc shoprite

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  11. Me brother I see your pain ooooo, You know most times I get this lonely but when i ask my self "when you eventually start dating, how long is it going to last' cos over time i got to find out that should i call it "THE FANTASY" doesnt last for me.....which means i can get bored.....but the amazing aspect is My phone can stay without a kobo and i wont worry about anybody who will say u didnt even check on me, I can hug a hundred girls without the fear of "I saw your boyfriend cheating on you" bro the list goes on....But my prayer is let us find someone we would never get bored being with and as well as not sending us to the Village from this our Jand wey we dey...

    Thank you for the five minutes u will use in reading this comment.

    http://www.icelaw.me/2015/04/late-night-thoughts.html

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  12. lolz. funny and cool write up....

    www.mavinmis.com

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  13. Duru I have returned....I have not read the post buh I wanted to announce my arrival... thanks so much for the support and the love...you are the bestest huni

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  14. What if it's Angel Gabriel that's whispering and not a demon?

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  15. Hiya Papi, I am gonna be honest, I didn't read this post to the end....at some point, I got lost...so I am gonna go with the post title and just say this.....being single is not really a bad thing ..I mean......**shrugs** It's not entirely bad....cuz you get to devote that attention and time into doing other productive things like discovering yourself...

    I saw your comment on calling Wajilda....I really wish her all the best lah....

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  16. Duru the brain buster. You sha like whining me ehn? Hope you got my mail tho? Thank you so much for always putting a smile on my face. Mwahh

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  17. As you keep taking stuff off, try to keep your clothes on mbok! He he that Mac lipstick eh, 40€ for one tub? Why? When I can pick up a local brand for 2-5€ haba! Nda J cannot come and go and spend more than 5€ on lipstick dankeschön! So try enjoy your singledom now o when you loose the membership, you will totally forget what it was like cos you will be having too much fun! He he we live for the dramatic

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  18. Awwww... My otunne is lonely. Sweetheart mi enjoy this time to the fullest!

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  19. Pele Duru! Don't stress it jare.
    As someone said earlier it gives you time to really focus on yourself and be more productive.
    Use it to find yourself as we tend to get lost in the other person especially when in love rather than ourselves.

    So yeah!we all need companionship. But in the mean time, enjoy being by yourself.

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