Pre-Script! A big Ghen ghen Shout out to Oga Boss Blogoratti! I mean that Brover is one of the most ghen ghenly consistent persons on blogsvile that I know.. (just like Erniesha), and he has shown Mariam and I so much love in the past weeks… I hope you get to see this sir, as i am really grateful... Bigger you I pray! Thanks for being a strong support Oga Boss… **In Wizkids voice.. Amin o! Amin! Wa kpe l'aye oh! Amin! God bless You Amin! Oh! God bless me Amin oh! Pa-ran-ran-ran-ran-ran-rannnnnn .. Pa-ran-ran-ran-ran-ran-rannnnnnn.. PO-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-rooooo… PO-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-rooooo
**Cleans face.. and then **Rants!! I had to change a flat Tire by 4: 47 AM today! Gang Can you imagine?! Me wearing all this my baff up and changing Tire.. Mcheww!! Mcheeeww again sef.. The stress killed my perfume and had me smelling all engine oil engine oil up and down.. :( Hmmnnn A nefer Hexsperred it aswear! **Takes off confused bracelet like a Jim Iyke… then **Takes off Brown Rubber wrist watch in slow motion like Paul Walker (R.I.P) in F.F.7... The Ojoro in that film ehn!! Chisos!!! **cleans sweat! a kuDunt BeliFit as in a Nefer Hexsperred it pichinkom! Paul Walker could literally run on air! Kai!! Onyibo pipo ehnnn.. I hail thee... Ehen! **Takes off Red Rubber band that I have been unconsciously bathing with since the past 4 days **Covers face… Oosssshheey Turn uP!!! Turn up! Turn Up! ladies and Gentlemen.. **In sexy beauRRiful Moby’s voice.. Kilopnpop! Kilonshele?! and **In the amazing Sophies Voice… What gwanning gang?! Whats the freaking 411 people?! Ossshheeey Turn UP **Singing.. and Bumping Head like an Agama Lizard.. Turn Down for what?! Turn Down for what?! So you see guys! Before I begin to commence to start, I will like to say an Oya Shake Borry loud rooftop kinda Congratulobia to the great NaijaSingleGeh! **Scratches Head! I dunno her YET! But she won the most Humorous Blog award in the NBA 2014! **Sniff Sniff hehehe and then **Cleans Eyes.. .. I beg Y’all to head on there ASAP.. Shout out to my wonderful Blog mother whom I love to pieces, and all who voted for the YnC blog! I mean you guys are the real MvP's. Hehehehe When I went to Dr. Duru’s room to tell her we didn’t win yeah.. she went all Ehyaaaa!!! Ndo! on me.. Aswear.. E remain smallllllll... I for cry! heheheh Mehn the Ehya pain me pass the not winning sef :D. If basic N.B.A dey pain like this, I wonder how Jonathan must haf felt.. **Deep sigh Heheheheheh Issorait! My Sister can know how to make me feel mushy mushy ehn! If that geh preach for you, you will become Born Again twice... So gist me awon goons mi.. What did I miss?!
Oya to the koks of the koko of the day… Guys is it me, or is that NoBoRRy wants to date me?! Or is that I am too broke a Nigga?! Or am I wowo like that?! Or am I trying too hard?! Or is it that I am too confused a brother?!
Well this I can say yes to shaa or is that I am just not
ready?! or that my village people are hard on my maRRa?! I mean Since I kinda stepped on the brakes with Ribena, my love game seems
to be crashing like the Stock market of 2008.. **Deep Sigh.. Its either love is waaayyy too expensive or that it is not my calling?! Oh well.. Leggo...
So what do I love about being single?! PlenRRy things biko.. I love the fact that I can go to the club and get grinded upon by Random girls like I am a grinding stone.. I like the fact that i can do Touching boRRy and end with an "Oh! I am sorry.. It was a mistake" line heheheh.. I like the fact that even though I haf not successfully hit the mark recently, I can invite old female friends to my hotel room and play randy with no remorse… I like the fact that I don’t have to dress to impress for an outing :p, as I can wear whatever shoe I want whenever, I like the fact that I can play stupid investment pranks with my entire small salary and not be afraid cause I have no responsibility to make another mans child smile monthly… I love the fact that I can trek from Costain to Alaba eating hot burning Egg Roll and pure water, with my shirt unbuttoned like Superman without the fear of
“T! I saw your boyfriend trekking”
**Covers face… **In Ayo Thompson’s voice.. I lovvveeeeeettt… But the what do I hate about being single?! Omo e PlenRRRyy.. I hate that regardless that I can sleep at night, I wake up and shower almost 3 times each night cause boRRy no be fire wood **Winks.. I hate the fact that there is noborry to tell me "JdB I need Mac Lipstick and a new shoe…"
meeehhnn that Mac shi is almost 3,500 per 1 on Konga oh! "Or this
or that" and I have to bring out calculator to punch my account balance.. I hate
the fact that NoBorry calls me after this suffer head place and asks **In
Wajildas voice.. "How are you Jo?! I just wanted to check if you are dead".. Kai I
miss that child.. and the crowd goes.. Awwwgghhh.. I hate the fact that I have to feel so alone all the time..
In the light of this I ask myself; why tha Hell am I stil single?! And the truth is aswear I dunno! I mean I could go out and get hitched right now.. All I have to do is wear my “I know who I am" charm, smile like a Turkey and Fake it Till I make it... plus if I kuku like you, it will take Amadioha's Lightning to stop me from Toasting you, cause I am a very persistent SomeboRRy… But I don’t just get why I don’t wanna… Maybe I am just not ready.. I mean everytime I have tried to fall inside the wahala pit of love ehn, I have realized that I had to give something up! I had to step up my game, I had to sacrifice my time or my kinikan, I had to pay a price... I sha just had to give up something and that’s the part I do not totally get! I mean why can’t I just meet a girl, fall in lof with her.. have her like me in the same EQUAL amount, play protected dice in the bedroom randomly but hope to not SCORE a six, meet our families, get married and live happily ever after?! I wonder why there ALWAYS has to be something to determine our love.. a sorta price: be it Wealth difference, Tribe, or Distance e.t.c.. The truth is I am tired aswear.. and I might just go celibate till further notice, cause I just cant afford it. The pain or the time.
Aswear I am currently crushing on Molola like mad, and I barely just met her on Blogsville oh **covers face.. I mean you need to see this Childs Instagram page, she is a very beauriful someboRRy! the kind that I could literally give my arm to be with.. She is amazing gang! I tell you.... Amazing.. (go on her blog if you doubt me)But the thing is just like it has been each time I get to this cross road, something always comes up that makes the relationship too costly to buy.. Plus i have a tendency to get bored easily and want more.. **my colleague teases me like crazy as he asks if i will ever get married.. smh! I haf been talking with Barr. Duru a lot about marriage lately sef.. **Whispers..That man is definitely planning someRRin marriage related.. I feel there is one Igbo geh in the village being groomed for my maRRa.. as the talk is becoming PleNRRy.. But the truth is with the way I feel, the consistent want for more.. Will I be able to stay faithful in marriage?! This I ask myself time and time again.. :(
Thers a babe from Uni on my head now who no wan make I rest! "JdB lets go to ICM Ikeja" "lets hangout.." "Lets do this" and "lets do that!" And in my head I am like "Je ki orie kpe oh!" Am I look like your father?! And this my people is why I might never be hitched anytime soon.. Some gehs put a price tag on, and just want to milk you like a cow.. I mean milk both your wallet and your lower boRRy :).I mean on my way to this place of survival, I almost promised to not date till I am 24 years 6 months old, but since I know how **clears thorat Hungry I am for a real TLC, I haf decided to reject the demon whispering that in my ear! So I will not come and go and be laid again till I am 24 years 6 months?! I reject you that evil spirit mbok and cast you into River Benue! heheheh.. All in all, I still dont geRRit! Why am I still single?!
P.S: All posts written under the #MyBachelorsDiary series are born out of cravings, Lust, lack of love and the want for the midnight touch of a woman in love.. If you still dont geRRit and you are like this “boy is confused..” **Well **Scratches head! No vex oh! Please remember the name of the blog, I really! Am! **Wears Mischievous Mr. Nigeria smile…
Thank you for the past 7 minutes of your time gang, you guys are the real MvP! My prayer for you is that you will not have to change Tire when you baff up finish and be smelling like Engine Oil up and down inside sweat with your white packet shirt afterwards, cause **in Ijagila’s voice… that shi aint easy.
P.S: I would like to say a ghen ghen Thank you to Uloma from Instagram, she has been a silent member of this Blog and all the while. Before we connected yeah, each time she lofs me sori instagram by liking a picSHur, I just had this.. “Pastor says this is my next geh friend feeling..” about her **Okay that was a joke oh! Heheheh Well we connected last week lori WhatsApp, and she is just as amazing as Raleeyat who is President of The Silent Readers Association and my personal Baby mi toh Sure :).. Thank you for loving us Bubba’s… You both Rock…