7: 50 AM
Prescript:! FUCK!!! I mean I haven’t crossed any boarder in my life yet, but fuck.. Why is the Nigerian Government so blAddy insensitive. Case Scenario.. You owe petroleum Marketers 356 Billion Naira ("As claimed") and you have teh money. You hold the cash in ya pocket waiting for them to cry fowl... I mean why not pay them the money you owe them?! Why wait till they hold the entire country to ransom before you pay them?! ...And then With all Due Respect Mrs Ngozi Okonjo- Iweala comes out and calls them Unpatriotic.. and I am like Fuck my life.. See Pot Calling kettle black :(… Is it the Govt that issues IOU till it gets to Billions that is unpatriotic, or the people that ask for their "own" money?! (GLOBACOM NG 95690- 45369- 85395)
**Removes cobwebs from Laptop.. **Then blows breeze of environmental sanitation on keypad.. **Then cleans Keypad wit big bros old red bandanna… (Okay I really had to clean the keypad, they were gumming guming) Ossssssshhheeeey Turn uP! Whats cracking gang?! How was ya Weekend?! How was the gbo gbo turning up and down?! Hope in the Legendary Frank Donga's voice you didn’t leave it like that oh, but you Turned it Up?! So lemme just start by complaining.. 7: 50 AM First I just got to the office and its 7: 50… Aswear I haf to finish editing this within 45 minutes or I am fucked again! See what happened this morning.. We left Festac late, and I had to alight at CMS. Now I left home with only N 120 liquid cash in my Wallet, and all my many many Empty (Okay not totally empty sha) ATM cards.. On geRRin to CMS, the transporter goons said EKPO ti won ju, hence we had to pay 150 to get to Eko Hotel. I was like AHA!!! Why today?! So that was how me and my All stars fot wear and chaep Mr Price clothing Cc Toin :)
We turned the beach shirt to office cloth oh :).. were
standing o the main road looking for bus and begging the conductors with
style :(.. All cause of the stupid Federal Government. :(.
2; 20 AM Did I tell I suffered no be small ninu public Holiday that e haf just finish?! For some reason I am writing this post from my room which is very strange.. My Ogas at the top that I used to do join borry with to Victoria Island sent me a message that we shall be beginning our isrealite journey by 6:40 AM today and I was like Huh?!
**Whispers I just learnt how to use this “huh”
someRRin lori blogger, so amma abuse it before I stop :p That is why I am
using the Laptop oh! I haven’t used this laptop to do nada since 19kokoro.. The
bad thing is this is one of those laptops that need power bank, as once Nepa e
haf take light ehn.. Laptop e haf off **crying ins Catalan Cc Seyram.. Talking about awon oniranu ni wion ma
kpe NEPA.. For the record ehn Gang, NEPA in Festac is by far the the most
USELESS of them all.. I mean read my
Sexy kissable lips.. "they are the most USELESS NEPA in the world.." These goons
will not come and give someboRRy light through out… but will be bringing stupid-stupid bill
at month end.. I mean through the weekend/holidays we didn’t haf Fuel at the Duru's Mansion :) If I don’t hype our house, who will?.. cause Fuel is not kuku dey
in the Nation… I mean if you had fuel in Festac during the weekend ehn, then you are either
doing Oil Bunkery or a Black Market someboRRy or your Father is working with
NNPC.. so anyhow sha we all had to go hustle for petrol.. That was how I wore my customary all
black everything and headed to go and do James bond at the petrol station.. I was furious in my spirit ready to kill
someboRRy that day oh.. but gang ehnn.. It was
piRRiful.. Kai! It was so sad that this young and confused boy (AIRTEL NG 1543011- 211913-153) **points at
self :( had to be at the Petrol station for
about 5 hours on May 1. As in na so I lie down on top carton dey wait fuel like
refugee **in Ernieshas british Jamaican Accent.. Fuck my Life.. Which way Nigeria?! No Fuel, No Power, No GEHFRIEND, no Money, and
Plenty heat. Inshort as I did not die
this weekend ehn, I will not die again #Dasall. I need to do stoway and leave Nigeria bikonu.
So like play like play the 15 for 15 challenge is going fast fast oh, that was what I was telling the adorable Cee in the 2014 edition, by the time we sleep and wake up nah, e haf finish…
Is it just me or Do you guys hate the word sorry?! For the record saying that word used to make omololomo feel one kain biko (hehehe the amazing Habeebah taught me that phrase) I mean no maRRa what I do, I feel there is always a reason behind it.. A strong reason why I did it, so I never see reasons to apologize. Lemme tell you why.. Growing up in our home ehn we had more Commandments than the Isrealites, and the one that I remember the most was a) Never increase the Gold Star television louder than 25 and b) Never make noise in the upstairs parlour once 8:00 PM e haf reach. Heheh Those days ehn, if we failed at any of these two, mehn It WAS finished oh! Barr. Duru would come out with shoe and give us the whooping of life.. You do know there is a difference between being flogged by belt or cane and being hit on the head by kin shoe with wooden sole?! Sadly i was the SCape goat most times, So after my father would hit me with one of them Koin Koin shoes.. I would go on Silent war with him.. If I see the guy I no go greet.. If he passes by I will carry my book and be forming reading and all.. It was serious oh! Back then there had to be a reason to sha not talk to him cause I was always being hit… but 1 thing i remember is that my Father hardly ever said sorry.. I mean his way of sorry was:
“JUNIOR COME AND CARRY THIS MEAT AND EAT”
...and god will bless you when you go and mumu yaself and carry the meat due to Longer throat, cause right there and then the fight e haf finish. :) **Whispers I am saving this post per line because of NEPA.
Now due to the kind fact that in the last decade, I haven't spent so much time with Dr. Duru as we have been kuku going from pillar to post in search of Certificate noni, it has been forever since we quarreled **Wears Evil Grin, but we had series of reasons to quarrel last week… Oh well **In Shaggy's voice.. **Wears Innocent smile… “It wasn’t me..” Now the quarrel was kinda tough sha oh, and after we had shouted on each others head and finish, it was time to say Sorry.. Now as a full anti-sorry someboRRy and due to the fact that I love my sister more than I will ever love any geh friend.. It was had for me to not apologize, hence you needed to see yours truly battling with his conscience up and down lori this sorry someRRIn.. it was like “JdB Apologize” and I was like “Hell no! I wasn’t wrong..” So anyway, I found a reason that needed me to Drop my ATM card at home for spending purpose, and I officially used it as my “TAKE THIS MEAT” stance and kapish (ETISALAT NG 446- 324- 481- 064- 536) ...sorry was said..:D However sha, yesterday afternoon after she suffered and cooked Sunday rice with a ghen ghen stew, me and my Brother went and took all the food in the pot and didn’t leave her with pichikom.. Mehn that one I said sorry over 10 times oh, cause we no dey take food play.. Her eyes were red bi Close up! :( Omo I said sorry till she said Junior its okay.
I for one believe that
am thinking of a particular big English.. I believe that
being apologetic about a particular thing don’t mean that you are sorry about
it.. I mean my Mum taught us to say Sorry a lot… and back date 5 years ago.. I
used to say sorry for everything, even for things I knew deep within me I was
going to do again :p.. I personally think we truly need to show remorse for when we err, and I am learning
that it don’t all boil down to saying I am sorry…but really meaning it! It don’t boil down to word but to actions…
So in the light of the kind fact that guy man e haf not iron cloth that he will wear through this week, my sermon today is simple.. Rather than say I am sorry, Show it.. I know everyboRRy says that Sorry is a magic word and kini-kan kini-kan.. but life is teaching this 23 years 4 months 23 days young and growingly confused man that it is more impoRRant to really be sorry, than to just say it, cause on the long run yeah… words are nothing without action… plus having that I love Barr. Duru pieces and to me after GOD na him be next on the hierarchy, I support his way of apologizing.. I mean call me proud or any thing oh, but I have learnt to take “Come and Take this meat” as a far berra way to show love and born-AGAINISM, than saying sorry and not meaning it.. To me sorry is just a word that many people spew and never really mean..
And the crowd goess. Oooossssshhhheeey Turn uP!.
Oya bye bye.. I haf to go and Iron before this mumu Festac Nepa take light again.. I will Edit this is when I get to my Jangolova Chair (we done did it ).. Thank you for the past 7 minutes of your time Gang, my Prayer for you is that going into this week, you will not have cause to beg for FUEL, but that your Generator and motor shall be running (MTN NG 3854-5578-5588) over nyafu Nyafu with plenty Petrol… Berra say Amen oh! cause Before you know it now, my Ndi Igbo brothers will add 100 litters of Fuel to the Bride Price List… Mehn in Toinlicious amazing Bedroom Voice.. Its not a Joking Sturvzz oh... Happy new Month Gang.. May the month of MAY be filled with GOD'S overflowing blessings for us and ours.. Can I hear an hallelujah someboRRy?!
P.S: So I am blowing big cuddly warm wet French kisses to @BooksandChocolates a YnC reader I met via Instagram.. Oya Baby mi.. Blow ya own back via comment section, or our relationship lori Whatsapp will **in my Egbon Clara’s voice.. Be dead and buried in the water **Wears Straight face.. Oya bye bye.. Lemme go and Iron. Cheers…
The YnC Reader of the month of April has got to be the beauRRiful OnyililolaSobowale.. I mean that lady and I connected on a whole different level this last month, and I am mega grateful to GOD that I know her.. **Shines teeth. Her picture is the one to the upper left of the blog..
If I haf not put it yet..
Sha be patient.. I will…
My best 3 posts of the month of April were:
- This post by Nma! Mehn this child can write.. dayummmmm.
- This post by Onyilola… Always keeping it Frosh I see..
- This post by Favour:! Favour is an amazingt writer with a wisdom far beyond our age… If you think I am lying… click her name.
3b. Mehn if you missed this post by my Blog Mother ehnn, then you have been sleeping on top of bike all April.. When I read it I was like huh! Heheheh I am murdering this word. I had to be even sure it was mama who did it. :)
P.S: About the airtime, omololmo is broke like that, and of recent my money (regardless how small) has not been my own, as I am doing one too many things at once.. please accept the token.. and please take just one.. Please oh **Shines teeth..