Pre-Script: Hiya Gang... If you have been reading this blog since September 2014 (Don’t mind going to check gang.. I took down the Broken post already).. This might be a tad confusing.. but hey **Cleans Lone Tear and **Then wears cheeky smile.. That’s the name of the blog nah **Sniffs hehehe. I am sorry about the comments box gang.. I am reeeaalllyy sorry.. This post just had to happen Gang. I needed to strike the balance. If you read this.. Thank you.
**deep sigh… I kinda don’t know where to start writing this post from.. Or why I have to write it sef.. But what I do know is that if I try to go all ghen ghen on you guys now.. With how I feel.. Amma woefully fail.. You see gang.. That thing they say about Life being unfair ( I say this with a totally open heart).. Sometimes if feels true.. I mean think about it.. Why is it the one who gives the most that most times gets robbed or hurt?! Why do the one’s like me who love the most, most times never find love in return?! Why dos the one who is most sincere earns the least?! while the one who cuts corners rides in fancy cars and makes expensive Trips?! This is not a post for pity gang.. it’s me striking a balance.
My life is strange.. I mean people see what they can see on the surface.. but deep within me is something that cannot be explained.. I called it a "hole" at a time.. But I don’t think that’s just what it is… nnnnah! A hole best explains it… Or Is it a spiritual problem?! Are the village winchie winchies hard on my matter at Umuaka?! I guess that I will never know.. You know what Fuck it! Here goes…
Mother! Since you left its been twice as hard..Mummy, we 3 have been working so hard to turn out well.. Daddy tries, but its still hard... I mean thinking about it.. its basically being 7 years… My eyes are watery right now cause I miss you so much… We can’t say we know where you are cause nobody does.. Hours turned to days.. Days to Months.. Months to Years.. and soon it will be a decade.. Life is just fucked mum.. But I miss you sooo… Mehn! Just like I felt in 1998.. I felt same in 2009.. I felt a part of me go away…
I sometimes remember how you would stay in your room and scabbash night after night.. Praying for our success.. Praying for the success of our home.. praying that we wouldn’t die… I vividly remember how you loved me like I was your own. How you loved Daddy and showed it without fear or rancor… How you took me to all the places I dreamt of.. How you bought me stuff only RICH Adults had back then in 2007.. How you believed in me and always asked me if your clothes matched before we left for Church every Sunday.. hehehe You wanted to Turn me into a Mai Atafo :)… How you saw only the best of things in the 3 of us.. And how you loved us and your own sooo equally.. You were our yellow rubber band Mummy.. Holding us together as a family… Why is Life so unfair Mum.. You don’t deserve any of this.
I remember when you bought me my first Pierre Cardin Jean.. Mehn it cost a fortune back then… but to you it was nothing.. As long as your “Nonso” looked good.., Then you were happy.. As long as I wore a smile.. Then you wore a smile too... Talk about a mothers love.. I remember when you said to me “Nonso.. take this and buy a new pair of Uniforms..” mehn Mum… I was dashing in **Sniff Sniff Secondary school cause of those... My rating among the ladies even stepped up a notch... I remember when I thought I had an STD for the first time and went for a test.. How when I told you the Doctors asked if I was having Sex.. You Said “No godforbid.. my Boy is well trained…” I miss you Mum.. heheheh aswear I never thought I would miss you so much.
Yesterday was madantin Mum.. and that we survived was a miracle… I just thought of my kid brother… Of how when I took that drug outta fear.. The one that made my heart hurt so bad.. He gave me the beef from his burger and said “Junior take this.. the pain will stop..” **my eyes just got more watery right now… the exact same words I said to him when he had a stomach pain some days before… Do I miss you both Mum.. Yes I do… Do I regret not being a better Son back then?! YeP!!! Every single day… But I promise that wherever you are.. The pain will end soon.. I promise to be bastardly rich and buy you everything you think of when I do so.. Hang in there ma.. Wherever you are.. Hang in there.. I promise to not fail you by getting some girl pregnant before I say I do… I wish you well mum.. Cause that’s all you wish us 3.
You once said to me in the kitchen while showing me an onion bulb… You said.. “Nonso Human beings are like Onions.. hence as there is no perfect Human.. So is there no perfect Onion Bulb”.. Although back then you were referring to a role I was supposed to act at Church as a Thespian.. But now I understand it better Mum.. Now I geRRit.
P.S: Have you met the YnC gang Mum.. Hopefully you will before I stop writing.. They are the Best there is. have you met Janyl Benyl.. She is super cool... I call her Mother too cause she deserves it.
I am sorry gang.. I am really sorry.