Pre-script: I dedicate this post to my first geh friend in this life.. who doubles as Ms. Young toh sure **Drum roll.. My one and only Partner in Blogging…. MariamOre.. Mariam has selflessly brought balance to this blog, and words cannot explain how grateful ayam to haf married you Bubba heheheheh.. I know its difficult partnering with a confused boy.. no oh! Wait! Scratch that! I meant confused MAN **Shines teeth.. like me.. But thank you for weathering the storm with me… You see nah.. Ayam changing oh! **Smiles… Please Gang.. Can you read this post by the beauRRiful sexy Ella… and drop a kind comment?! Please oh! Ayam begging :( pretty please?!
**Adjusts Zipper… Oooosssshhhheeey Turn uP!! Whats up Whats up Gang! Happy June 1! Mehn like play like play 2015 e haf finish oH! Shuo! goddamnbullshit! Before you know nah, my birthday e haf reach! and this smallie will hit 24 **shivers.. I so hate the fact that I am growing old! Kai! That shi scares the hell outta me.. **cringes... So, how was ya holidays linked weekend to those in Obodo Nigeria?! hope you Turned uP! Molola style?! That geh can shaa haf fun shaa... :) Mehhnnn **In saka’s voice and from the bottom of my heart yeah… I am glad to say! **singing ... I don port oh! I don port to APC eh! Kiri kata kiri kata kiri kata Sai baba! Heheheh Mehn aint **takes off brown Wrist watch.. ehen Aint no boRRy got time for Old regime oh! I am now a legit APC member **Pops collar. Hehehe I can’t shout biko.. So before we start todays CONFUSION, I will like to give 2 Testimonies..
Pppprrrraaaiiissseee tha lawddd someboRRy.. asi'm ppppppprrrraaaaiiisee that lawddd… ya not hearing ba?! Issorait! Umuchineke?! Eh! So first off! Yours truly was almost hit by a pure water Truck at 1st gate last Friday! **mehn to die no easy oh! All those people forming “I wanna commit suicide..” “This life don taya me” et al… **Sits down well on Jangolava chair… Lemme just tell you that DYING EHN! IS NOT AN EASY SOMETHING OH! So it was dad’s birthday on the 29th, and as is customary in our home, we had to all go get him gifts (no matter how small).. So I hurried back from the office, took cash from home and boarded a bike to Electro-mart at Amuwo.. near SureRest hotels.. So my people as I was on the Okada oh!
I am sure that Bike guy borrowed the Okada to go buy Engine oil or something!
And that was how he lost control and drove me right before a truck and was
doing “ringa ringa rosy” in front of the truck! Remain small ehn! That truck
for use me do ping pong but #GODWin… Secondly they almost weleyED me **Opens
google Translate… Which means I and my Blackberry 10 **yes ke.. I haf to
advertise my new wife ni, and my Wallet that was miraculously containing more
than 10k (how did that happen sef?!) almost got robbed.. At 4: 43 AM as me and
my Aba made Converse All stars left the close yeah enroute the place of survival, I nah saw 2 guys on Okada drive
past me across the road oh! And when they saw me, they turned and headed towards me.. But the
spirit of GOD just said I should go back and that was how they confronted me from
Afar on my way back in, pretending to be asking kweshion for
the gods.. awon Oniranu! This was by **In the beauRRiful Sophie’s Londoner voice... 4: 43 AM ish oh! Me I just nwanyoly entered my close back.. Ah! Blackberry I haf not disvirgined
yet! Olorun maje!
So on Friday while I was geRRing ready for a shouting session at the office AKA project Progress meeting with the Oga's Oga, one of my Uni crushes told me on whatsapp web that she was in Lagos and very close to Festac for that matter.. Shey you see as Devil used to work?! **clean sweat... and having that they haf pay me my small Salary that time.. I knew in my mind of minds that I wanted to hook up and release steam.. lemme not lie gang! In my head I had finalized sleeping with her.. **Wait nah! Don’t go yet in Anger nah! dont leave the blog yet... I am not that bad a guy.. I am just an aspiring Cassanova.. :p.. So I endured the “Duru why didn’t you do this and do that and you should do this and that” meeting and went to see her at COB.. Please bear in mind that I was a Slave while in IMSU, and she was leader to me back then.. and they call slaves in the N.F.C.S Daddy and Mummy.. So the babe that I had planned to **In in the hilarious Rella’s voice lash alighted at Swiss park bar, hugged me so we did small touching borry heheheh.. and started with all the “Daddy you are still thin” and “Daddy I haf missed you” line.. **oya bye bye.. the shout e haf start... In my mind the only thing that I wanted to do was sleep with this child, so I took her to the first hotel.. They said it cost 4k.. Trust me nah.. Cheap skate Omolomo priced them.. and said 3k 500 instead.. heheh Unluckily for me, they didn’t haf fuel thanks to Jonathan.. :(.. I then took her to another one called sure rest or something and they said it cost 5k! So they then took me to the room to see first! Mehn gang when they opened the door of the 5K Room ehnnnn! Chisos!!! The cold almost made my blood freeze… I mean the AC that was blowing there can make a Dead man wake up and tell the morgue guys to tune it down.. Aswear it was so cold that if I had taken off my clothes there ehhnn.. It is sure that I would have frozen to death, cause my blood wihh just dry.. But then.. Just before I paid! This child who had been humbly following me everywhere called me aside, looked at me in the eyes and said.. “Daddy what are we doing here?!” In my mind ayam like nothing oh! We came here to charge phone! Heheheheh I mean see kweshion for the gods oh! What else do they in a hotel biko.. hehehe and then she said something that made me realize that I am loosing it! She said.. DADDY (calling me this one alone brought all the guilt from NFCS IMSU on me.. it showed she looked up to me…) **my heart began beating faster…
Ehen she said Daddy.. “
You dunno why GOD has been blessing you all this while.. Maybe its cause you have been celibate for these few months and years… or however long.. Why end it now.. Wait a bit…”
Now this child didn’t understand that while we she was saying the above, I was not hearing Shin-Gbain!! As all the hairs on my boRRy e haf stand that time.. but she had a point and as I tried all my caressing and smooching which didn’t work ba.. I calmed down and her words sank into me. So thank you Ms. N.
You see yeah gang.. CHANGE is the hardest of things to accept.. as a 23 years old with raging hormones and no geh friend, plus no time and very few opportunities... as a Nation coming out of an indecisive administration... as a human being in totality.. I mean the last 3 months of my #BachelorsDiary have been about me wanting to have self control again.. cause having that I haven’t been laid in monthsssss… abi years sef! it feels awkward to be in such bad luck.. but just as the bae above said.. maybe! Just maybe this celibacy thingy is necessary! Maybe its worth the wait for the next geh friend… just maybe…
I mean the thing about change is that we never understand why we haf to do it, we fear that changing from who we are.. or from what we are (as in my case) will make life a tad boring.. I am not planning to be born Again oh! But I read this post on the awesome Tomilola Lawal’s blog and it kinda touched me..
**my oga e haf come oh! I haf to go prepare for a SHOUTING no sorry i meant meeting…:) and it makes me think that maybe of a truth yeah, this change
thing wouldn’t be so bad after all.. Maybe I ignore the next geh that agrees to
sleep with me (I SAID MAYBE OH) maybe I will fold my hands the next time I sit next
to that child that lets me fondle her for free **Wears Evil grin.. Maybe I will
stay away from all those MARRIED mami water people that are using scope to be giving me
green light lori WhatsApp.. Just maybe I should decide to change.. cause maybe
staying celibate for this while.. No that’s wrong.. Maybe me being
unable to get laid for this long due to lack of time and opportunity and
meeting the someone that I like and not the other way round
is heavens way of teaching me the blessing that comes with not poring body
fluid up and down… I mean the little I haf now is amazing.. ESPECIALLY You guys...
So maybe.. Kai! Wait oh! So I will now be celibate for longer?! No nah..
**Thinks out loud.. Nonso are you mad?! Are you stupid! Are you thinking
properly?! Well I said maybe sha…
Thank you for the past 7 minutes of your time Gang, you do us a great honor with it, and my prayer for you is that going into this week ba, the kinda breeze and harmattan that was blowing from that second hotel's burial A.C will not turn you to ice block. Cheers Gang.
The YnC reader of the month has gotta be **Drum Roll… **Stage light.. :) the amazing BLOGORATTI! Now this guy is just the real MvP.. Mariam and I subscribe to comments on every blog we go to.. and seeing blogorratti’s follow up comment make me go whoa!!! And plus he has been a formidable force on the confused blog.. Always encouraging Mariam and I to go on! The guy is badder than Bad biko! And his writing is so ghen ghenly Apt! Chisos! He can write for Africa shhhaa… So since I don’t have him on Instagram.. Amma put his legendary Beard gang G+ picSHur on the wall all through June.. **Wait for it **Wear Mr. Nigeria smile…
Ice! Ice Armani is just a fish sorry I mean an Antelope! Now for the record he has a very beauRRiful blog mother in person of Buiti! And the way ayam tripping for that child called Buiti ehn! **Cleans sweat… Mehnn Eez not a joking sturvzz oh! Thank you for having my back Bro.. Insha Allah yeah, this our woman Wrapper friendship lori Blogger no go die here.
Moby: Its the ghen ghen Moby’s Blog Anniversary on June the 4th and we at YnC are uber excited for Moby my Blogger Geh friend! I am a mega fan of that child.. Inshort ayam an Airconditioner and join sef.. Please come over to her blog on the June the 4th and lets Turn uP! I have a ghen ghen feeling about that day! Ife nine ge me (plenRRy things will haPPin)