Monday, 15 June 2015

#MyBachelorsDiary... Why the Woo?!


PRE-SCRIPT: Special shoutout to OgaBoss Victor Okoronkwo.. Mehhnn Baba I saw your ghen ghen comment of Life on my bloggerCrush’s  blog toh sure.. and I was blushing like a Tomato and shining teeth like a chimpanzee.. kai!! You  ghen ghen #YnCGang e haf learnt the special act of washing and setting oh! You guys can wash someboRRy with Ariel for Africa ehhhnnn.. kai! Victor washed me and Mariam  ehhnn.. hehehe and even put starch and join sef.. heheheh and then my day1 bae sef  nah joined him.. Diarisgodddoooo :) Thanks Gang.. You are our why aswear!

.. and that Gang was how the cookie crumbled **Crying in French… Turn uP Turn uP ladies and gentlemen.. what gwan people?! What popping?! Mehn I am on a low key kinda chill this moRRing eh.. lets just say someboRRy went to come and go and pour sand sand inside my Ijebu Garri  and just rained on my parade :(.. Well its about time that that happened though.. It was a long time coming.. I get luck say no be slap them gimme sef.. **Wears Evil grin…  How are you doing gang?! How was your weekend?! So any gist?! Huh?! Huh?! Sophie to BeaRRiful?! How was tush Turn uP Bubba?! **wears Mr. Nigeria smile?! Mmmaaa Nigggaa..  Moby koko.. Hafa nah baby mi?! We shall come over to read ya weekend Download eh! As usuall nah **Winks.. We gonna be cracked up abi?! Trust you.. :*

Okay sooooooo something crazy happened over the weekend... **takes off Confused Bracelet (and the crowd goes.. Ghen ghen).. So I had to make an appear and disappear trip to Abuja last Friday, cause I had ishe to do there.. Hence as usual nah.. when I got to Abuja the work started from 6AM -6PM.. I mean it was so bad, I couldn’t instagram or do nada.. There was no even network sef.. :(.. Oh my Abuija! Anyways by 8 pm on Saturday when the work e haf finish yeah.. I went home.. took off my legendary black laborer tee hence exposing my ghen ghen biceps and triceps and 6 packs that only a Lucky few haf seen… **Covers face… Had a shower and had dinner.. But you see ehnnnnn gang.. having that I am confused like that.. The woman wrapper in me will not lemme rest.. **Crying in Igbo... hence I took my small phone with the last surviving credit in side.. Called Ribena.. around 8 pm oh! And before you know it I was all dressed up and leaving Lugbe.. Now gang that wasn’t the Koko oh! The koko was I had to board a cab.. So cheap skate and legendary stingy koko like me who prefers to trek entered Taxi 1k.. And we were go go green.. and then bam! The Mogbe moment happened Cc. Mo! The cookie crumbled so fast that night.. I was shocked like Nepa wire… What happened?! Mehhnn gang.. I realized that the captain of the vehicle didn’t understand English.. Nor did he know where exactly ShopRite was… Nor Did I! Meeehhnnn **In amazing Erniesha’s beauRRiful, ghen ghen and Bedroom voice ehnnn.. I was FuckedUptwotimes.com… Mehnnn my heart started beating 3X faster.. My temperature was hot enough to fry plantain cause was I furious to my teeth… I mean come on!! And he charged me 1k! I mean here I was, in a land I didn’t know, with a captain that was asking me DirecSHions in Hausa.. me!! Me that does not know shinGbain in Abuja even with a Google map sef.. **Deep sigh.. Well we thank GOD oh that they didn’t not use me and do Ritual.. I thought about yall at those last hours sef **Cleans lone tear.. Meeehhhn oya lemme lie anyway I wasn’t too scared like that eh! I mean If they kuku use my head to Do Blood money ba.. na Counterfeit money go comot.. heheheh  My head is not for Ritual biko, It is for clean money.. We finally got to Shoprite and I saw Ribena.. I have to say that Ribena is an Angel. I mean in all my anger that night… She still found a reason to lighten up my heart with a warm smile… Plus even offered top pay my Taxi fare back.. Now tell me that she isn’t the One?! Oh well.. :)

So gang! The koko of today’s gist is anGRYing me seriously! I mean adongeRRit! I just don’t geRRiT.. why do ladies make smmmmaaaalll thing.. I mean small tintinli thing oh! They will turn it to bigggg thing.. I mean this maRRa of wooing abi toasting woman e haf taya me biko!  Before I get into the gist.. Please note that I haf officially giFFen up hope on dating biko… I mean I don’t haf strength for this wahala… **Wears straight face.. Come onnnnnn…  what is hard there?! What’s so difficult?! If a geh likes a guy ehhnn.. Why can she not just open her mouth and say I like you oh! I will date you oh! I will sleep with you oh! And dassaall.. I mean in my awesome Egbon Toinlicious voice… its not Rocket science nah.. It’s just a common choice to love. **Wears Angry face…



Okay since Ribena said no ehn!!! There has been anoRRa very beaRRiful geh I haf been toasting.. Plus I haf been thinking of her daily since the past 2 weeks… Kai if you see her ehn gang! Your world will pause for a bit.. and your head will turn 360.. Plus your heart will beat faster.. Lets call her Rogue. I mean Rogue can fine for Africa and United states togeRRa ehn.. Chisos! Her beauRRy can make a dead man warm again.. plus she is sexy for stateess. I haf to run.. Work e haf start :( 7:41Am And has the voice of Angels… AGAIn I reiterate that “Kai! I spent the entire last week with this geh on my mind” hehehe just in case she gets to read this.. :). I was thinking about her 247.. Calling her night by night before I go to bed with so much dedication.. Like all those Festac security men hit abi ring bells at night to scare armed robbers.. But the thing gang that shocked me was that this bae was just fronting all the way..  and when! Just when I had given up hope on her and traveled to Abuja to go work.. She sent me a green light message..

You see Gang.. I know when a geh is tripping.. Meeehnnn don’t test me oh! I haf seen far too many trippers.. AMAZINGLY AYAM STILL SINGLE.. but that a fine geh wihh be tripping and forming Agbani darego for me that is already tripping for her oH! Haba!! Regardless that it makes me want her more ehnn.. That thing can TIRE Omolomo Cc. BeauRRiful Morayo :*.. and it is just multiplying my confusion biko… I havent dated too many ladies oh.. Oya lemme count..   1, 2, 3.. and 31/2.. okay 31/2 it is.... 

Middle Script: I haf to run gang.. They are on me. Please ignore any Typos from here.. I stopped proof reading here Gang! 


But the thingy is all these 3 ghe ghe sexy and fineeee ladies ehnn.. we just met each other.. Liked each other.. and chose to love each other.. Dasaalll… I mean if  I tell you how me and a couple of them wonderful ladies I haf had in my life met ehnnn… You will go Awwwggghh (iThinkOh).. One even bought me Jack and Jill wafers and our lof begun.. So my kweshion this moRRing is simple.. Mehn ForgeRRt all the many many up and down English I wrote up.. heheh my Kweshion is WHY DO I HAVE TO WOO A GEH THAT OBVIOUSLY LIKES ME?! I mean Dear ladies.. Coming out plain doesn’t always spell desperation nah.. Me I haf Taya oh! I tell you! Abuja has Kuku suck my small green blood like Vampire.. and I don’t kuku haf liquid.. So I give up on pursuing woman biko… :( Unless I get a loan though.. ;)


Thanks for the past 7 minutes of your time.. To my Chief Time keeper.. Lily… heheheheh Bubba check it.. Today is exactly 7.. Time it.. you wihh see.. Ehen.. Sorry.. As you go int o the week ehnn Gang.. My prayer for you ehn.. is that SomeboRRy wihh not come and go and use their reggae to spoil ya Blues.. but GOD will win in every area of ya life.. remove ya hand from Bad thing sha oh!! #PastorJdBMode…

Blogger Stats:

Lily: Now first  of all go down Low.. Lily is an Amazing Blogger.. I knew this bae before she started blogging yeah.. hehehehe She was always first to comment on one ghen ghen blog.. and when I read her for the first time.. I was like Bravo Bae!! Bravo!! And trust me gang.. she hasn’t dropped the beat ever since.. But she keeps geRRing beRRa day by day.. Please check out her blog if you can guys.. Trust me.. You will love it there.

Ausserehll.. Now someRRing about this bae is that you just love to love her by default.. Plus meehhnnn she Fine.. **cleans sweat.. I mean I remember how we met on blogger… heheheh Sheread this post!  And asked if I was 18 or something.. hehehehe I mean it was so free a comment and I lovveeeddd her like money immediately.. She is just Frosh like that biko.. She is a young lady who writes about Nationalities and the life of a Married YOUNG again :) woman in Diaspora.. hehehe I mean she writes about everything.. Food oh, Family wahala oh,Will oh! Cremanting oh! love oh! She is just all shades of fun.. I tell you… And she has a smile to die for.. Please go over to her page if you can gang!

Nike!!! First of all, lemme just say that Nike is my TFA crush all time everytime.. I mean I like this babe pieces.. Gang haf you ever met somebORRy who barely standing next to her makes your heart beat 2X faster?! Well then meet Nike.. Ice.. Minus you oh! Biko! Don’t go and cast me here oh! BeRRa leave my Nike for me.. hehhehehe She is an awesome blogger and she is sooo smart that she makes smartness and wittiness seem  so effortlessly easy… If you think aYam lying gang.. Oya go to her Blog and be blown away…

A click on their names will take you there gang.. ;) Do have a Ghen ghen Week ahead.. REMOVE YA HAND from bad thing oh! :*




#Udo #ItcanonlybeGOD

20 comments:

  1. Lllooolllzz, first time am visiting your blog but dude you so funny... For you to woo a lady u must have power n be patient.. We no want hit and run..

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    1. Yyyyyyaaaaaayyy Ifeoma came by... aswear iBlush... I mean you are a ver fine someboRRy... been to your blog before... and just for the record ehhhhnnnn... ayam a very big ghen ghen fan of yours...

      Hehehehehhe @ power.. Shuo!!! Eez not a joking sturvz oh... shey na Olympics ni?! Lmao... Thanks jo... but that's no way to hit and run nah... fronting for a guy will not prevent hit and run nah... it might delay it yeah.. but prevent it?! Nah... oh well I totally get the point that the whole shakara period is to test the guys sincerity... but come onnnnn... ayam as open as a book... If I wanna hit and run.. the lady wihh know nah... it is well oh...

      Thanks for coming by Bubba... Biko... I beg you in the name of Peak milk... please don't be a stranger eh... Cheers Bubba... :* Thanks for coming by bae... You rock aswear.... and the crowd goes Oooosssshhheeeyyy...

      Sent from my Bed room... ;)

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  2. Hahahaha!!! Duru only God can save you. Imagine the stories you would been telling Daddy duru if they had used you for blood money...lori girl matter yi na. You too much lol!

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    1. Hehehehheheheheh ah!! Egbon... The fear that caught me on that cab ehnnn... Hian.. **cleans sweat... Ee was not a joking sturvzz oh... I mean to die on top woman is an option... but not to die because of woman oh... **cleans sweat... Thanks for coming by Egbon Tofunmi... Your comments always leave us with a smile... cheers... Thank you for being here Egbon... Thanks for being there for me always...

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  3. Duru i'm back to torment you o
    Honestly o, if i was a girl you supposedly had your sights on, and i read your blog with you talking about how u dream of every other girl, just know you lost me at some point there
    I think we were just wired to be wooed... leave us or take us like that

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    1. Hehehhehehehehe Leave you Ladies ke?! Oya lemme think... Ehmmm ehmmm **thinking deeper... Nah... I will tolerate the wooing biko... You know ehn I just feel it would be a lot simpler if we all came out plane... Like Barnie you knwo... I love you... You love me... with a great big wet french kiss et al.. case closed... oh well... Na my cross as an aspiring Cassanova I guess...

      Hehehehe in other news... Yyyyyaaaayayyy my Baby is back... mehn I was on a keke when I saw your comment... and though FEAR catch me small cause I know waht kinda trouble You, Vira and Funmi can be... I was uber excited that you are back... welcome home Bae... Please don't go anywhere again oh... I beg you in the. Name of Buhari oh...

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    1. Aha nah... CatWoman... That's not true nah... Oya isIt my fault that fine gehs are all around me... **crying in French... amma do you back you will see... How are you Baby mi... Thanks for brightening my heart with your ghem ghen comment Bae.. Cheers...

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  5. Duru!! duru!! duru!!...i respect man..i am honoured..as for dem babes free dem abeg..their wires were joined to be acting so..they can pretend for asia mehn!!i ve being a secret fan but just a friend said..is like living in a country illegally..decided to be a legal occupant by commenting...keep up d wonderful work dude..u doing just wonderfu..regards to mariam

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    1. And here Ladies and Gentlemen is the legendary Victor Okoronkwo... mehn I so support you oh Baba... some of this bae's can form for states oh... I guess it's our Lot finally, so we have to accept them as the are.. Dasaall.. Just like that... however I particularly love and admire a lady that is upfront and open like a book... it is well..

      Thank you so much for this ghen ghen comment Oga Boss... hearty welcome to the YnC blog... Thanks for believing in the dream... Cheers Oga boss..

      Sent from my bed room..

      Time: Quarter to sleep :D

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  6. Nna just shut your trap up, asking gbeskele questions..mtcheww. See who said he is gonna calm down on the woman chasing - wooing just last week here. Big head, I have told you before better calm down and think of ways to make daddy Duru a happier man. Rubbish.. #ideyvex, hehe.

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    1. Hehehehhehehehehhehehehehhehe and this gang is why you just gotta love the amazing Rella... she can so switch like Nepa and Generator light ehhhnnn... hehehhehe This geh ehnn... Kai her comments always crack me up like coconut... but Rella You do know that I need the experience, and sometimes ba... I wihh just be on my own oh jejely... and then Bam!! trouble (abi woman as in our case) wihh just come and find me... **wears puppy innocent face...

      Thank you for making me smile Rella... heheheheheh ya just a kangaroo aswear... :p

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  7. Lol, na lie joor, wetin me i read pass 7 mins and i know i'm not a slow reader because i read as fast as you talk hehehehehehe. Thank for the mention Duru, appreciate.

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    1. Hehehehehheheheheh you ehn... You shaaaaa like quarrel pass fight... lmao... I read it again jo.. and it was 7 minutes something seconds... Kai Lily ehn!! Hehhehehehehh you dey sha Carry this Time thing for head oh... Inshort I officially brand you my able Time keeper... **winks...

      Thankyou for the undiluted love and support Bae.. Thanks for always making me smile... Thanks for being you and for being true... Cheers.. Inshort chop wet french saliva filled kiss... hehhehehe

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  8. This nigga tho, are you still single and chasing woman by this time of the year? Na wa for u ooo. Oya try catch one and be a keeper. If u dey wait for naija girl to woo u, then u go grow white beards for your scrotum. :p




























































    #Mannie

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    1. Hehehehehhehehehehehehhehehehehehhehehehe lmao!!! This is officially the fuuniest thing I haf read all day.. lmao...mehn inshort aYav vex... I ain't dating no bae till December 16th... Bet me... hehehehhe but baba the thing Taya me oh!! Why can't ladies just agree that they are tripping?! Why do they haf to be fronting up and down... If Omolomo go and stop toasting nah it will be like we are not serious... Baba me I haf kuku Taya oh... I am chiliing for now... Hehehehhehe @ White hair in Scrotum... You be real craze man aswear...

      Ossssshhhhhey Turn uP gang... Mannie toh sure is Back ;)

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  9. Every time I see your letter of resignation, I just laugh bcos its sooo not gonna happen. Duru JdB Msc PhD Woman wrapper issues. *Runs away

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    1. Hahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahah Morayo!!! Et u Brutus!!! Even you sef haf join them to lose Faith in my changing abilities... **Faints... Bae Eez not fair oh.. hehehehehhe Thanks for always Bubba... Thanks for always making me smile... You rock beyond words Bae... Thank you Pieces... :* for today and for always...

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  10. Duru........ Follow those dots, how many times did I call you?? Guy, mehn you are so awesome. A free PECK for you. Just peck oooo... Thanks for the mention

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  11. Ah!!! 9 times oh!!! Aha nah!!! Only Peck?! No bedroom Jigi Jigi?! After all my many many adverts for you?! Ah Nike... diarisgodooooo... hehhehehehehh Thank you for making me smile Baby mi... Thanks for always being here to light up the blog with your wittyness... me?! Awesome... I don't think so...#ItcanonlybeGOD cause all I am is confused beyond words... Cheers Bae...

    P.S: You owe me a peck at the next TFA meeting oh!!! No excuses... :*

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