Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Ehiz_Preaches: A Tale of Fists.

Whoop Whoopp.. So i get to be the first person to post in this New Young and Confused year.. :).. Just in case you missed the long Loooonnnggg Epistle our CEO posted.. Please check the last post.. **Covers face... Happy New Year to us.. Thank you everyone for making out time to always read.. Comment and Share our posts.. Thank you guys for making teh Young and Confused gang what it is.. In Duru's voice.. You Rock.

I would like to thank everybody who took out time to read the post on Domestic Violence, this is like a part 2 of the post as we aim to share the expetrience of a Survivor of same... Hopefully unlike the famous Nollywood movies, there shal be no Part 3, 4 nor 5, so cool down. lol.. Thanks  to all who took out tim e to err their views, I see the guys came out in there numbers to defend themselves.. lol.. Thanks everyone.. You all are the best.

During the week, I was privileged to meet with a survivor of domestic violence, who didn’t mind sharing her story as long as she was granted anonymity.
I had quite a short interview with her, but I learnt a whole lot and would love to share the “crucial info” as a friend would call it, with you guys.

Me: Good morning ma

Tracy (real name withheld): Good morning Blessing. How are you?

Me: I’m fine ma, you?

Tracy: I’m very fine, thank you. And please I am Miss Tracy (real name withheld).

Me: Okay Miss Tracy. So you said you were once a victim of domestic violence. Can we hear your experience?

Tracy: Hmm… I got married in 1998 to my ex-husband, we had courted for about two years, I was fresh out of school, we met during my final year in school. Getting married just after service, was like the best thing, I had so many friends who were not yet married and so I was considered lucky especially with the fact that I had just landed a new job. After the wedding, I moved in with him, give and take about 6 months and that was when everything blew up in my face.

Me: What exactly do you mean when you say “blew up in your face”?
Tracy: I realized that I never really knew him. For example, I knew he had quite a temper but I had thought that it was a mild one. I knew he drank but not to the extent of coming home drunk. I knew he had lots of friends who used to sleep over at his place while we were dating, but I didn’t think they won’t stop coming when we got married. For crying out loud, we were a newly-wed couple, living in a 2-bedroom flat, we could have done with a lot of privacy.
His friends would mess up the whole place, I’d have to clean up regularly, it was sad. I would complain, he would get angry, sometimes he would break something in his anger.

He would restrict my movements, I don’t want you going to that church or don’t move around with your single friends, or you must be back home by latest 7pm and my food must be ready by latest 7:30pm. At times, he would come home very late, let’s say 11:00pm, the food and I would be waiting for him, he won’t touch it. When I slept off and he spent too much time horning or knocking as the case may be, I would hear it. He would beat me black and blue.

Me: Wow!!! The beatings, how did it start?

Tracy: Ah, it was first warnings that he would slap me o, then when they finally came, they weren’t enough, it graduated to beatings. There was even a time when he chased me round the house with a cutlass. Ha, my own husband o.

Me: You said you courted for two years, didn’t you notice anything at all?

Tracy: Like I said before, I knew he had a temper, but it wasn’t a cause for concern because he kept his cool around me. Though, a member of his family asked to see me one day and told me that the man I was about to marry was a troublesome person and that I should think twice, I thought it was bad blood. He wasn’t in good terms with his siblings, but that didn’t bother me. I was marrying him and not his siblings. His parents loved me and so did I.

Me: Did you have children?

Tracy: Yes, 2.

Me: How did this affect them?

Tracy: They were not happy with the whole thing. Immediately daddy was around, everybody went stiff, nobody said a word etc. but immediately he stepped out, I had my children back again.

Me: What of your family?

Tracy: I kept it from them in the beginning, but at a point I had to let them know, series and series of family meetings were called several times.

Me: What was the straw that broke the camel’s back? When did you decide to leave?

Tracy: That was in 2010. I was heavy, and he beat me over something so trivial. I lost the baby and was hospitalized for about a month or so because of my injuries and my blood pressure. I made up my mind not to go back, filed for a divorce and got sole custody of my children.

Me: So, how has it been so far without him?

Tracy: Life is so much better, I am happier, no more lies about bumping into a door, or tripping over something, my kids are doing better at school. I can concentrate on my job. It is so much better.

Me: Thank you so very much ma, for your time and for sharing your story.

Tracy: You are welcome.

And that’s it. Hope you learnt one or two things.

Blessing Ehiz. (Compere/Writer/Host)

Instagram: @blessingiyama



  1. A lot has been said about domestic violence, any form of violence in the home must be highlighted including violence against men and children too. A lot of awareness is still needed, women go through so much abuse and its easy to think 'Why not walk away'?, without being in their shoes.
    Having said that, I do not support any form of domestic violence.

    Best wishes!

  2. Most times we see the signals of the troubles in time but Love _lust wont let man pikin act accurately. from my own experience, I advice all the single ladies and gents, to embrace God especially when you are in need of a life partner. He will give u the best. You don't need a monster as a spouse. ********Mr. Duru. ve u seen it?********

  3. In fact,i learnt more than two sef. Hmm! Na wa o. I've seen and heard of people court for so long and eventually when they get married, it's another chapter entirely.....a new person,a new devil. It's really surprising how people can hide their real self and later show who they really after marriage. Should we say they didn't court enough to have known each other? I keep asking myself this. I don't blame some people that have decided to stay single instead of getting married. In fact ehn, sometimes when i look at what is happening around me,i just don't wanna get married. Thanks a lot for this......Domestic violence is what we should all stand up and fight against, it's not a good thing at all and the saddest thing is it has taken a lot of innocent lives all because we are afraid to speak out. #saynotodomesticviolence.

  4. Oh wow... This was such a deep read... It's sad that Domestic violence is someway becoming a norm in the Nigerian society.. I was about to say the "We have two sides to every story" line... But that the man was sick to hit her even during pregnancy... That just shows that he has issues... This was a nice post Bubba... Thanks for sharing... and the crowd goes... Yyyyyyeeaaaahhh mehn :)

  5. Thanks to everyone who read and dropped comments :D At times you want to blame the women who marry this men...but then you realise that they were either naive or sometimes the men just changed drastically...most if these women who go thru issues like this never even knew they were supposed to look out for anger issues etc when they were dating. Anyways be that as it may, we need to sensitize women more on this topic.