Thursday, 2 July 2015

#FeatureThursday- Domestic Violence... by the Legendary Blessing Ehiz...




Mr and Mrs Uduak have been married for 3 years now. At first, their relationship seemed like it was made in heaven but 1 year and 6 months into the marriage and she couldn't seem to recognize the man in Mr Uduak again. She has had 3 miscarriages already and the reasons are not far fetched...domestic violence.

Mr Uduak does not waste any opportunity of venting his anger over very little things on his wife and what more, he does it physically.



What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence involves an act of causing feelings of physical pain, injury or bodily harm to one’s spouse or intimate partner. Domestic violence is a form of physical abuse, only this time it is occurring in the home between couples. It also encompasses emotional abuse but in this article, focus is going to be strictly on physical abuse.

The following are questions that normally arise with this topic:

Should a man physically abuse his wife for any reason?
While i must add here that domestic violence could occur vice versa...ie it could be to either spouse, in the African society it is most commonly the female folks that are affected. A man should never for any reason afflict physical injury on his wife.

What psychological effects does domestic violence have on the affected spouse and the children?
The psychological effects of domestic violence are vast....they could include:

• The violated partner begins to develop a low self esteem.

• Feelings of insecurity by the violated partner.

• Also the parents may not be able to show their children how much they love them, because while the violated spouse(usually the woman) is trying so hard to make amends in the marriage to prevent further incidences, she neglects the children and a lot of distance comes in between them. Also the violating spouse (usually the male) most times ignores the welfare of the children as 'punishment' to the woman.

• Domestic violence can also affect the children negatively, in that a lack of trust is developed against the abusive parent. It can also affect the child's relationship with the opposite sex. These children now crave the love and attention they can’t get from both their parents elsewhere and the effects could be devastating.

What should a woman do if she is being physically abused by her husband?
She should seek help from a psychologist. If possible also, the violating spouse can also undergo therapy and undergo anger management. She could also seek help from family, spiritual leaders.
If domestic violence becomes a threat to life, it is advisable to distance herself from the spouse.

What signs could tell you that a spouse is going to be physically abusive?
While there are no specific tell-tale or warning signs about a physically abusive spouse, a few hints here and there might be able to save you from a disastrous marriage.
In my own opinion, if a man does not show respect to his mother or siblings, then there is a 70% chance that he might be abusive. Also if he gets angry at colleagues alot or is always involved in fisticuffs and also if he does not respect women generally.

I hope this goes a long way in saving people from making the biggest mistakes of their lives.

Every woman should be valued, respected and 

So permit me to do my take like the awesome Cladora does:

Duru (male perspective): My take is simple.. here goes... Its hard being a man.. but its harder being unable to be MAN... Wwwwwaaaait for it.... here goes: See gang.. may atimes yeah.. Some women are sole orchestra-tors of their own pain.. I am not trying to justify hitting a woman.. But when a man is seen as a failure in the eyes of the public.. and then comes home to the woman he married WITH HIS OWN MONEY and she makes him feel less than a man as well.. He has no option than to prove he is man.. This is wrong i totally agree.. To hit a woman i mean.. But it is also wrong for a woman to insult and degrade a man just because he isnt all she wanted and some more... Women need to please please stop hitting their men with their words as well... **drops Mic and walks away...



Blessing Iyamadiken is a writer, Doctor in the making, Compere and an awesome blogger and Friend of the gang.. She blogs at: (www.theblessingiyama.wordpress.com). Check her blog out gang.. You will be blown away I promise... She is as awesome as she is beauRRifulllllllllll.. iTrip biko.. as usual nah... :)

Email: eiyamadiken@gmail.com
Instagram: @blessingiyama

#ItcanonlybeGOD

25 comments:

  1. Domestic violence is becoming the other of the day... Women need to stop leeping quiet orelse they'll die before their time...how will a man have the conscience to hit a woman?

    www.glowyshoe.blogspot.com

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  2. Gbam...Duru u just said my mind..i swear..but i must still rephrase wat u said.. I am not trying to justify hitting a woman.
    Domestic violence is bad..it destroys the life of the victim and the love the family might have experienced..the effect it has on the children is overwhelming..i mean the grow up with the stigma and at times do de same to their spouse..parents should always strive to look beyond wat the want and try to envision wat de kids re passing through.
    Imagine i get married to this beautiful Blessing Ehiz and i lift my handson her..mbanu!!tufiakwa..mami nice post.
    Jah bless

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    1. Looool ....Victor...thank you o...*clears throat* i feel you. Dont mind Duru jare...

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  3. I remember a story told once of a woman that 'handles' her husband like a kid. She will be ontop the man and be giving him, one blow seven akpus, lol. But the funny thing is when neighbours start to gather, she will turn the man up and be down shouting 'he is killing me oh, hold him o'.

    It cutz across genders. Quick temper it is and should be cured with tolerance on the side of the abusive partner.

    Na bad thing e be oh!

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    1. True....it cuts across all genders and no matter what side it is on, whats most important is that we take a stand against iy

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  4. Yyyyaaayyyy.. Finally. My brothers came out to support. I think women should learn to control their words.. That way ba.... the man gets to control his force... I see the confused brothers are winning on this one.. **Winks... **Singing... Winner oh oh oh Winner.. lmao

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    1. Loool....they re not exactly supporting you o...hehehe...*tongue out*

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  5. Finally our comment section is back o...now I remember why I was calling you plenty last week...
    To the matter on the table, My mum always says "if a man says I will slap you, don't wait for the slap...just go" cos you never know what you're capable of doing until you're pushed to the extreme. I don't ever want to get married to an abusive man...God help us all to choose the right partners. Amen
    What's up mi lovie toh gbaski

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  6. A man shouldn't hit a woman, no matter the situation....yes! I agree that some women can't control the words that comes outta their mouth but that shouldn't justify a man raising his hand to hit a woman. I think any man that hits a woman is weak.

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    1. I am with you on this one every step of the way :D

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  7. No matter what a woman does can ever be enough justification for a man to hit a woman. #Divorce is a safe option for both parties. #2Kobo




































    #Mannie

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  8. Thanks Gang for taking out time to read through...i really appreciate and for dropping comments, you guys are the best...

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    1. It's us that should be greatful... Thanks for touching and inspiring us with your widom... You are a blessing Ehizm.. Love you much Bubba... :) Cheers...

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  9. I love your blog, its contents, the fabulous readers and their comments and the crew most importantly. It's a keeper!

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    1. Yyyyyaaaayyy Ebukun came by **covers face.. I am all smiles right about now eh!!! Thank you so much Bubba... heheheh I am blushing like tomato... and my cheeks are literally hurting... You rock aswear Baby mi.... I mean Yyyyyyaaayyyy... hehehehehe right now ayam smiling like a fish... Thank you for coming by... about the awesomeness of the blog... Biko we do nothing oh... #ItcanonlybeGOD... The Readers and gang are my strength... and I am glad that they are here... They are my everything aswear... Thank you for joining the YnC gang Ebukun... I beg you in Latin eh!!! Biko don leave us oh!!! Please let's Keep dancing like no one is watching... Cheers Bubba...

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  10. Thanks Duru for the mention, I really appreciate it.

    Sometimes, I wish I knew how to speak and write in pigeon oyibo well, but that's just by the way. But you see, the worst mistake any partner would make in a marriage is to raise his/ her hands and hit their spouse. It is very wrong. Mind you, once you hit your partner, just know that you are hitting out the love that is keeping that marriage. The partner may change in your sight but the rebellion will always increase in secrete. Once you have a secretly rebellious partner, my dear watch your back, because, one day the sledge hammer is coming for your head. I might sound too serious but u know it's the truth.

    There are so many other things one can do to correct and change their partner. My philosophy about life is that, "life is but a mirror, what you give is what you get in return". If you rub charcoal on ur face and stand in front of a mirror( the mirror being your partner), what do see? .........you be the judge.

    http://unbrydledopinion.blogspot.ca/
    http://gudrecipes.blogspot.ca/

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    1. Hiya Clad... It's always a thing of many many many many many smileeeesssss heheheheh to read your comment eh!!! I mean amazing insights you always bring to the plate... and for that ayam most grateful and indebted... You Rock Baby mi... Aswear you do... This line hit me the most though... and I can't deny it... You know... The line that went;

      "When you hit your partner, you are hitting out the love that sustains the marriage"

      Wow... That's some deep shi... Amazing I tell you...I can't deny that You have a really strong argument on there Bubba... Cause at the end yeah... It all boils down to what both parties bring to the table... I mean it's a thing of mutual respect... Bravo Bravo Bubba... This was a really insightful comment Clad... Thanks for your support on here Bubba... Aswear we are nothing on the YnC gang without you... Ya the real MvP... **winks.... and the crowd goes.. Yyyyyeeeaahhh mehn. Thank you for always Clad... :*

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  11. I just have to disagree on the idea that a woman who is abusive with words forces a man to raise his hands on her. When we look for who to blame, the chain reaction can never be broken. Someone said evil begets evil and that's evident with this. I've known a few good men with crazy assed wives who would give new meanings to mental illness but not once did the men find a cause to raise their hands. That said, I used to have a really great friend who had a thing for dating men that seemed great at first then showed their true forms later. When she visits with scars, her excuse was either car accidents or how his beating her up was her fault(when I forced the truth). Insecurity is one of the biggest reasons for a woman staying in an abusive relationship. When you believe you need a man to make you a better person, when you think that the love of any man regardless of who / what he is will keep you happy and of course, said lover manages to convince you that you are worthless(how women let this happen is just beyond me) I once dated a man who showed signs of verbal abuse which we know can lead to beating. I simply took the next flight out saying I needed to visit a bbf. He calls me the day I'm expected to return and my reply was simple: dude, you are a very smart man so you know I'm not ever returning! Lol I can be dramatic sometimes shaaaaaa! Of course his real self emerged and I got called all sorts. My point is we need to learn to see the signs no matter how small they are

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    1. Basically nipping it in the bud. Deal with it before it gets out of hand.

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    2. Okay, you mention insecurity on the side of the victim - let me say one thing: insecurity and low self esteem are even worse on the side of the abuser, there being this need of subduing and controlling someone by physical means in order to get the feeling of being someone. The thought alone is sickening, not to talk of the act itself. Cheers

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