Thursday, 30 July 2015

#FeatureThursday_ To Stay or To Go?! by the amazing Ify

Duru: Whoop! Whoop!! I cannot frigging afford to attempt to keep calm guys.. The legendary Ify penned down for the gang.. Ahhhhh!!!! I am literally screaming.. Ooossshheeey turn uP!... When she sent in this post yeah.. It broke every hard part of me.. Its an amazing read guys.. aswear... See you at the End… #ItcanonlybeGOD



So I finally met this guy that made me feel happy after years of searching... We enjoyed talking to each other, as we would just spend hours on the phone talking beautiful nonsense and random stuff. Our first date was more like the first day of the relationship. We Shared some kisses and hugs, the smooching was a tad intense but oh dear! I had to save the sex part for when we finally made it official. Three months into the relationship, I discovered some things were beginning to take an ugly shape. He first started with being rude to me and then he would get agitated at every and any little thing I said or did and then it slowly transformed into not just mental abuse but physical as well. 

Five months into the relationship, it only got worse… at this point of course my friends and family had started to notice what I was unconsciously drowning into, and they continuously advised that I left the relationship. But it wasn’t all so easy, as each time I tried to break up with him, he would become the sweet, charming young man I hopelessly fell in love with again.. He would become all the things I wanted in a man all at the same time.. He would become exceptionally charming, caring, and so compassionate and loving to the extent of showering me with very expensive gifts.. He would then put the cherry on the cake by displaying pictures of me on his Instagram page with so much praise in the captions to spice them up. You know now.. He knew all the mushy mushy words that get a girl Awwing… But Sadly… After few weeks, when he’d be sure he had won my heart back, it would return back to the status Quo of pain and hurt, it would go from bad to worse.



Some nights while he slept, I would pick his always passworded phone, and after series of trials i would get through... As a sign of love.. His passwords always informed something involving me (My Birthday, best colour, best food etc), but scrolling through his Gallery would be a literal Peep 'PORN' Show, as it would be filled of naked pictures and videos received from varying ladies, some with him in them as well… Obviously these ladies did not care if he was taken. At other times the phone calls would not just stop rolling in. I mean I literally went from “being strong to acting strong” and then I finally lost it. I got to the elastic limit… Insecurities started creeping in and I started to feel low about myself, I felt I was worth nothing all just because he made me feel that way.. All because he treated me, a Priceless Jewel in the eyes of my family and Friends, he treated treated me like Trash... He would constantly complain and insult my character to the point of hitting me again and again. 

Finally i realised I had had enough of the overdose of foolishness.. I needed to breathe and stop drowning within my very own body… How could love hurt so much?! How could the only sign I have of being in a relationship with the man I love be the scars on my body, and the constant Tears running down my cheeks?! What was I to do?! Stay or Go?!

Hi! I am Ify.. and that was a story of my life a while ago… Now I know many might be going through similar or even worse situations than above. Some of you are married to such men, some of you probably have kids for such. Some of you are forced into such relationship.. and worse still forced to stay due to financial indebtedness… Well if you are in any of the cases above… Then I know it must fell nearly impossible to walk away… It might feel a little difficult to leave the relationship because you have ties binding you both like strings of galvanized copper. But let me ask you.. Is it worth it?! The pain, the tears and the emotional trauma on you and your kids, Is he worth it?!

I must say that in my own case I had to weigh my options, I had to weigh the good and the bad. He said he loved me, he said he wanted to get married to me.. We were deep guys.. and he had introduced me to his family. Coming from a family of means.. he effortlessly showered me with nice expensive stuff, and everyone knew we were an item.. More like they saw us as the perfect couple on the outside, but on the inside we knew exactly what we were.. I knew what we were! As I was always abused and bruised physically and emotionally… But I loved him still and my only source of happiness was him being same.

Dearies, one thing you must know is that love is not enough. There are ingredients that make up love which include respect, trust, understanding, communication and kindness. I am no love expert, but If these key ingredients are not there, then it’s not love, and even when it’s so hard to move on, the first step is to first find your own strength and tell yourself you deserve better because you’re human and most importantly, a woman. The second step is becoming less dependent on such a man.. Make him see that you want him and not need him… Cause like I always tell my friends…… get busy, don’t stay idle. The third step is building your esteem again. It does not matter your age or your color, self acceptance is key... you don’t want to look back on your life at some vantage point and hate yourself for the decisions you had to make just to keep a man happy. You don’t want to be in the shower one day and suddenly feel yourself touching the scars that reminds you of the pain you constantly went through… you don’t want to be sitting at the park one day and comparing yourself to other women just because you’ve been mentally abused, you don’t want to turn down guys one day because someone has constantly said you’re not good enough. So i advice that instead of put up with the above.. I advice that you surround yourself with positive people that bring out the best in you, that you engage in things you love, be it painting, writing, reading, fashion, make up, clubbing, travelling or hanging out with friends. Whatever they may be, just go back to your old hobbies; exercise, eat healthy, dress up, make up and look good for no reason...

By gradually imputing all these into your daily life, you have to then ask yourself again; To stay or To go? And as a lady my advice would be to leave as quickly as possible because it doesn’t get any better.

I am Ify… And I tell you not to stay.



P.S: Thank you Nonso Duru for this platform to err my perspective.. You are a darling.


Instagram: @naaya90


#ItcanonlybeGOD

27 comments:

  1. Wow..so deep. A lot of women lived this situation.. Keep your head up Duru !
    I like your blog btw :)

    Follow me on GFC, I alway follow back.

    WWW.HEKYMA.COM

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  2. Ify I know that feeling, yes, I really do know that feeling. I have been in such situationship before but I was able to walk away, just like you walked away...any woman that can walk away is a strong woman. A lot of women need post like this.I believe that my heart is royalty and should be given a VIP treatment...every woman should think same.

    Duru, thanks for always bringing em ghenghen people on the blog.

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    1. Thank you darling... Naya

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  3. What a clear cut story of mental and physical abuse which by the way no one should have to put up with. Its great that you realized soon enough the damage that had been done and summoned up courage to not be in that position any longer. More power to you, and nice of you to share this strong message.
    Best wishes!

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    1. Thank you so much.. Naya

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  4. awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....i can relate, TOTALLY. we need to know the thin line between not giving up on a relationship and letting go

    and em... duru i nominated u forthe versatile blog award... do well to check it up


    Read this hilarious piece… CLICK HOW TO REALLY LOSE A GUY IN TEN DAYS

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  5. I can relate to this story...oga-adi mma
    *exhales CO2
    Nma's Blog 

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  6. Dear you are strong and courageous..what you have done today i hope and pray it will give others who pass through this the courage to walk out as you did..thanks for sharing and more power to you..God bless

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    1. God bless you too..🙏

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  7. Hmmmm...Ify, so much to learn here. Thanks for sharing!relationships like these r almost everywhere. We women av suffered sha...it is well.
    However, I would like to know,r u in another relationship now?

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    1. No I'm not.. Dnt even want one ATM... Sincerely enjoying being single. I'm more happy... When the right guy comes I want to find me happy..Naya

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  8. I wish many out there can take the bold step you took back then.. The truth is those married to these men actually saw this in courtship period.. This is a wide topic.. Thanks for sharing your experience.. Duru you are doing a great job osheeeeeeey turnnnnup lol



    Www.trendwithgloria.blogspot.com

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  9. I just came out of an experience of such thankfully with no physical abuse but the psychological and emotional torture were devastating. Some men always want to be eating their cakes and having it. It all boils down to the celebrated fallacy that "men are in control". This controls their basis of thinking and reactions towards women.

    I stand with you Ify, move away when your worth and respect as a human and a woman are taken with a pinch of salt. You deserve someone better. Just keep being you, he will find you.

    Duru go check my comment on Chynua's blog on post directed to you.

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    1. Honey just go out more often and and forget about relationship and you'll see guys approaching you and you have to be the one selecting.... Your ex does not deserve you... Naya

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  10. Awesome post. So many women go through this kind of horror on daily basis. I thank God that you were wise enough to move away from that evil relationship.

    http://gudrecipes.blogspot.ca/
    http://unbrydledopinion.blogspot.ca/

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    1. I pray God gives them strength to back out. Thank you. Naya

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  11. this is really an inspiring post... i wish more lafies will learn to stand up for themselves and not settle for less...the same way there are lots ov women in the world as guys would say is the same way there are lots of guys in the word biko

    www.glowyshoe.blogspot.com

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  12. This is deep. I'm glad you could walk away.

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  13. What a brave soul. I hope you inspire more women going through the same stage.
    Happy weekend, y'all!

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  14. Ladies and gentlemen, this is no story here today but a vivid account of a life event and what continues to trail most relationships these days. These issues when heard makes my pinna tingle rapidly. These things happen on daily basis, the physical abuse, the mental catacata, the emotional breakdown. Someone sees all these and decides to stay there in the guise of 'my rib' . My friend you dey lie biko. The 21st century relationships and marriages need be examined properly, maybe under scientific PROBING. Why? Because, the rush to do things differently have destroyed our well laid ancient landmark of human relationship especially in marriage. Not that our grand fathers had smooth ride, but the difference can be clearly seen. Such traumatic relationships should be avoided at whatever cost. Thanks lady for sharing. Onuru ka ra ibe ya!
    One more thing please, our scientist should stop plastic surgery and research properly where Adam's rib (one) was kept!
    I hail thee o Captain Duru, this ship is full loaded. More please!
    All hail YnC blog readers!

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  15. I will and can never stay in any relationship close to this... NEVER!!! And I pray to God never to be caught in the webs of such an abusive relationship EVER!. So strong of you to have been able to share your story sweet.

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    1. Never imagined myself being caught up in something like too but Attimes life drives us to a different direction and at that point you're not in charge of your actions..

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  16. Such a brave heart... Please keep up the good work of inspiring people. A very deep and inspiring post.

    modhancrochet.blogspot.com

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  17. I'm so glad the way it ended. When I saw the heading and started I was just waiting for the end, thought you were bout to ask us for advice..if you should stay or go. I'm all for no guy should make you have low esteem, if he doesn't make you feel good hour yourself he should get the boot. There's no working it out in this, they never change one sign of crazy and I'm out.
    You go girl

    Divadiari.blogspot.com

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