Monday, 13 July 2015

#MyBachelorsDiary_ The FIRST time... ;)


Pre-Script: All posts written under the #MyBachellorsDiary are written under total confusion of a young man with annoyingly high testosterone level.. Please read with your church mind... annd.. The YnC Blog Turns 2 Years on Saturday July the 18th, can you please come by on Saturday to celebrate with us?! Pretty please gang?! (Official Hashtag #YnCStrikeII)

How did it feel gang?! The very first time… How was it?! Was there a spark to it?! Did blood pump into your various organs with a rush like Spartan soldiers going to war?! Was there the sea breeze floating through her hair?! Was the night sky all blue?! Were his lips red?! Did you kiss in the rain?! Did you Turn the bedroom inside out?! Did your heart beat a bit faster?! Did you walk home on your head?! Was his eyes all brown, and did he have 6 packs like me Cc. Rella?! How did it feel gang?! The very first time..?! Turn uP Turn uP ladies and gentlemen.. What gwan gang?! How was your weekend?! Mehn mine was Turnnnnntttt up oh! I mean Uber Busy kinda Turnt uP! Insha Allah yeah, The young and Confused Blog turns 2 Years on Saturday July the 18th, and I and the gang have been running around like crazy.. Hopefully.. It will be a fun something…#Anticipate… Now **Points around… lemme first treat your fuck up…  hehehehe.. then **Clears throat.. To all of you that were supporting King BlogoraTTi last week about being careful what I wished for… Hian diarisgoddooo! I was just joking nah… Who wants to ever die?! Is it me that is looking for geh friend that wants to nah come and die ni?! I reject it for me and mine biko.. We shant Die… :) Thank you so so much King BlogoraTTi, I apologize, guess i just got a bit carried away with living one day at a time sir.. You Rock Oga Boss... So last week I had a serious Rib cage pain.. It was hurting so much I thought kai! All my “I will soon die statements have caught up with me..” You know it izz when someboRRy wants to die that you wihh start thinking of who will inherit what shoe and how no girl will cry over  you when ye die.. The pain hurt soooo bad! And its all Cat Woman’s fault.. She has over preachedddd this fitness something... and this brother right here has started doing 120 Push-uP’s every morning.. I mean last week I was sure I was dying.. But I later realized it was cause I used my entire allocation to buy Birthday cake and hadn’t had lunch that day.. So when I got home and ate.. the pain disaapeared sharpaly. Pppppprrrraaaiissee tha lawd someboRRy?!


So... Without much Adooo… Leggo..

The First Kiss..

So how was your first kiss?! Molola , Calabar Gal and Esther this kweshion is specially yours??! **Winks then **Wears Cheeky smile… You ladies know I'm tripping nah?! Meeehhnnn my first kiss ehn.. Hmmn.. lets talk e oh! So there was this child I was tripping for.. Amazing child.. and then one night we finally got to stay out late (bear in mind that she knew I was into her)… She came over to the lodge I was chilling. And my god she was fine like hell fire… You know how you know when a girl wants to kiss you nah gang Cc. Awon Bad guysis Victor, king Ice, Mannie.. She go dey bite mouth like someboRRy that has epilepsy… and all… And mehn this babe bit her lips so-teyyy I feared she would chew and swallow them before I started kissing sev.. And then when the hour was right (like Hollywood film **winks) I went in for the kiss.. and It was rabbish! I mean utter Rabbish! It was like a handshake…I literally just Touched her lips… Kai! Mummy.. See you haf caused?! heheheh All those days that they will be kissing in Onyibo film, she would tell us to close our eyes.. now I didn’t learn the tactics of kissy kissy… But then the second time with the same geh.. lawwwdd hav mercy.. **Sits down properly on Janglolva chair.. hehehe The second time ehn.. I went and watched all the videos of Kissing I could.. And when she came back to my room days later.. I literally Sucked her soul out of her Body with the kiss.. kai! It was amazing… My hands were all over her body, we kept rolling and the sheets were all scattered… I mean we literally turned the room upside down sef and she kept moaning and was all… Oya Stop.. It haf do... Don’t get carried away! Neeexxxtttt.

The First million.

Okay! Lemme not goan come and talk the one that will make them kidnap me.. But the thing about my job is that my salary is veryyyyyyyyy small… That being said… We all have top work extra hard... I remember when I made the first Naira 1000.. Think I was 12 then.. I had saved every 5 naira and 20 Naira in an old Cascada perfume case.. And when I hit 1k.. I ran up to Barr. Duru and said.. Daddy Daddy I have 1 thaaaasand.. he was so proud and said at that rate I would be very Rich very soon.. I remember the first 100k mehn I walked outta Stanbic like I was Atedo Peterside himself.. I felt wealthy.. I remember lying on the ground and crying to GOD cause I was shocked… the first Million… hehehehehe That one ehn! Chisos! I still dunno how it happened.. But in my head I did triple back flips and disvirgined 7 virgins.. lmao! Biko #ItcanonlybeGOD


The First Bottle of Alcohol!

Since I didnt do drugs.. Almost Cigar sha! I guess Alcohol covered for all my highness :)... Thing is I have been drinking since I was 8 or so… (But I was a Teetotaler all through IMSU FENG cause I wanted to get a first class oh)..  Lemme tell you how.. As a family we used to hang out late in the sitting room a lot.. That time we had change.. So we would eat spicy food that they packed all the pepper in Agboju to prepare... So one night… I woke up with a crazy Hiccup after the orishirishi during the entire gathering.. And bam! there was no water.. Afraid I would choke.. My father brought out the bottle of star he was having and then disvirgined my throat with a gulp.. Omo the hiccup loss one time… The first time I had my own real drink was amazing… I had gone for a party at Old English 1st Avenue.. And me and my friend knew we had to get as high AF to have fun.. So we drank and Drank and Drank.. Okay! Scratch that.. We shared one bottle of Star (that was highness enough nah, I was 14).. Mehn such parryS were mad, as after 1 bottle of Star, We would have morale to approach much older ladies and get lap dances or grinded on by women old enough to be our Aunts and all.. I mean who cared.. Everyborry was high. On the first solo bottle, when I got home.. I walked up to one lady (Aunty) that lives in my close and implied that she had a big Ikebe.. To say the least, I almost got the worst Slap of my life.. Well Blame it on the Alcohol… Nexxxt.



The First Sex Experience…

Heheheheh Brace yaself.. This is gonna be nasty **Tongue out… So there was this Family friend I was tripping for.. Amazing Child I tell you.. Dark hair and Hour glass shape.. I mean back then she would come over to our house and we would play love.. To say she had the body of a goddess was to say the least.. We were family friends so she always came by.. I remember vividly that day.. Whats not to remember nah?! Our Blood was boiling… Her folks had dropped her off and we were home alone.. and bam! We saw Adult stuff.. and as we started to see them togeRRa.. The mood began.. We got all kissy kissy and Touching boRRy on one another and then we began to take off our clothes at the speed of light.. And then….. Cuuuuuuttt.. Mind your business.. Is it your concern?! Heheheh See how Amaka , Lily and Onyilola are paying close Attention.. hehehe Egbon Ausserehl… I dunno what I wanna say… But Egbon! I Try to be serious minded.. But it comes and goes like the weather... hehehhehe… :).. Thank you for always.. :)

Thank you for the past 7 minutes of your time gang.. You guys rock… heheheheh Ehen! Nah! Mind your business.. You didn’t think I would spill on how amazing or Not the first sex was nah did you?! My prayer for you this week is that you have a very interesting week.. And that many many first time memories will be made in it… There is something about the first time Gang.. and it’s the fact that there is perfection in its imperfection.. Don’t blow it gang. Make it worth while… Cheers.


P.S: In case mama sees this post… **Scratches head.. Mama hehehehe In the words of Shaggy.. **Clears throat.. It wasnt me :)

Blogger Stats:

Gang have you met Glowy shoe: Now this child has me in 6 shades of tripping.. I guess one thing that endears me the most to her is that we both love shoes.. But her own no be here oh! Her love for shoes are like my new growing love for women… Unsuppressible.. **Lemme Digress small; Talking about Women... If you see what I stupidly did in real life on Friday ehn Gang.. I Taya for me.. Please go over to her blog and be blown away.. She is a super fantastic writer

Phisayo!: This childs reminds me of me.. Young and braving the world.. I definitely wanna know her, Just that Life has been too busy for me.. But this week.. I must know who that child is...

Ame: New Crush Alert!!! Now I am already in love with this child.. I Read this post and the part she mentioned stuff about Tomato just had me laughing reallllyy hard.. She is sooo full of life and I mean She is my kinda bae.. I had to call EstherKOKO to try toast her into giving me her contact.. But Esther is a brain geh so she gave me IG instead.. WaRrahell! Holl up! Holl uP! What am I supposed to use I.G for.. Please go to her Blog if you can gang, you will be impressed.. Trust me. Cheers.

Instagram: @youngandconfused_byjdb



#Udo #ItcanonlybeGOD 

36 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Yyyyyyaaayyyy the great Agatha graced our page today... Oh yeah?! Mehn!!! A neFer hexSpeRRed it... Thanks Engr... I am most grateful for your 7 Minutes my happiness... cheers

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Hehehehheheheh oh my!!! I would really love to read your first kiss story... I have a feeling both paRRies were ready **wears evil grin.. hehehhehe mehn Na So oh Calabar geh... The things that Alcohol made me do that evening... hehehehhe I literally couldn't look her in the face afterwards... lmao... Thanks for always turning up for the #YnCGang Calabar geh... Aswear you are different shades of amazing... Cheers Bubba,,,

      Delete
  3. I don't wanna start my comment with Duru!!!!!!!!. I enjoyed the post though, enjoyed it plenty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwwwwggghhh Otunne... I cannot categorically tell you how much I love and adore you... I mean since you found this blog... You have always supported us and cheered us on.... Thank you Otunne... Dalu NwanyoOma.. You are a miracle Ada... My miracle... Thank you bUbba...

      Delete
  4. But in my head I did triple back flips and disvirgined 7 virgins..hahahahaha(the virgins na from mohammed)my first kiss was just like yours,but d thing is i couldnt make up cos we didnt kiss again..u can imagine..boss i wish i could turn with you and the YNC gang this weekend..but i go do mine here jare..
    have a great week boss
    JAH BLESS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehehehehehhe Mehn that first kiss something ehn! **Cleans sweat...Eeezz not a joking stturvz sam sam.. All these Onyibo someboRRys will nah come and go and be lying and make their own perfect in the movies.. heheh Awon Liars liar pants on fire them :(... Diarisgoddooo.. Ehya! i shaa hope the second kiss compensated for it Oga Boss Victor.. Oya lemme give you expo.. **Eras Evil grin... Just in case you get to kiss a bae again anytime soon.. The idea of kissing is basically to suck on her lips.. Thats basically what kissing is.,. Not Suck Saliva oh!! Suck her lips.. I think it stimulates the lady folk.. And then let your hands work a lot... Suck it Like breast or something.. Oya Bye bye before they kihh me.. Thanks baba for your support since we met sir.. No wahala.. Insha Allah yeah.. We will have a ghen ghen post on Saturday the 18th.. We will still Turn uP here Vic. Thank you for always sir... Cheers

      Delete
  5. Kai Duru e haff spoil finish..kai. My 1st kiss was amazebalsssss...me i'm badass like that o.kai. It was one boy like that sha..fine boy no pimples... Buh Duru you haff spoil...meet me in the conference room now *boss mode activated*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehehehehehheh see who is saying that i haf spoil.. See Party FIREWOOD pot calling Kitchen GAS Kettle black.. You know we know nah moby... heheheheh iKid Bae... But bia woman... Dont lemme start ya own oh! heheheheh.. But Moby for real now.. There is need to reminisce on the first times.. Hmmmnnn.. Ghen ghen! No be small Bad ass kisser oh! Iissorait! We shall see.. Inshort the Igwe must Hia this.. heheheheheh Ehmmm **Scratches confused head.. Moby.. Dont FEX oh... But did you say Conference room or Bed room?! heheheheh Cheers Moby.. Thanks for always cracking us up with your unquenchable Humour.. You Rock Bae! Aswear you do.. :) and the crowd goes. Oooosssheeeey! Turn uP!

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. deez nuts.... Gotcha!! Lily.. hehehehe i just knew you would be interested (All in caps) and longer throatING to hear the Sex gist.. Longer throat **Tongue out.. hehehehe Cheers Bae.. Thanks for Always Lily.. You are an Amazing Friend as you have stood with me despite it all.. I no go forget you baby mi..Aswear.. You and I lily.. We gonna go waaayyyy down.. Cheers Bubba. and the crowd goes.. Yyyyyeaaah mehn!

      Delete
  7. If your first/second kiss was like dah, i can imagine what the first sex would be....thank you for not giving much detail about dat.

    Lol. there's something about the name Cat Woman that makes me grin....sorry about your ribs tho, no pain no gain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. heheheheheh See them.. See themm... See Catwoman.. She wanna hear gist.. heheheheh... The first sex ehn.. **Deep sigh.. Baby mi make we leave am for middle biko.. hehehehe Oh Mehn! What i just thought as I typed that "Cat woman" name ehn! hian! iEet was PlenRRy PlenRRy bad things in my 23 years 8 months 2 days confused head.. heheheheheheh **Whispers.. If I told you yeah.... You would have to kill me **wears Seductive look..

      Ehen Back to excercising.. Baby mi about the Ribs.. Mehn that one was my boRRy adjusting.. Its way better now.. Plus I am mastering the ish.. the 120 is now divided Thus: 50 (Pause still in Position) 20(stand up and Relax[I wihh not dier on top [press up} ), 40 (pause still in position{by now my hands are shaking}) 10 (stand up and go and baff and come to work) heheheheh At this rate Bae.. I might be getting a beach boRRy soon you know.. **Winks.. Thank you CatWoman.. For everything.. Cheers bae.. :)

      Delete
  8. Lots of firsts in this post, quite interesting to see the rationale behind those moments. This is as honest as it gets, and that's one thing you do well. What I have learned is that the first time is often awkward, no matter the situation. Great of you to link to others, that's the way to go. Have a good week and more power to you and the team. Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ....And the crowd goes.. King BlogoraTTi for the frigging win! hehehe truly truly Oga boss... There is something significant about the first time.. You know The Palpitations.. The Rush.. The Fear of screwing everything up...The insecurity. The lack of perfection but still existing fun.. Its always an amazing feeling sir. That moment when the world seems to literally stop spinning for a bit.... Thanks for always Oga boss.. I dunno how you do it Baba.. But Like the beauRRiful Molola said yeah; you are the real MVP of Blogging biko.. And the crowd goes Oooooooossssshheeey Turn uP! Thank you... Thank You.. Thank you sir...

      Delete
  9. my first kiss was a disaster...it was more of a peck and certainly not like in the movies.. 1st time someone kissed me like he was spitting and swallowing my mouth at the same time, i politely told him to 'let it go'(in Elsa's voice).lol.

    www.thatghlife.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. heheheheheheheheheheh @ My first kiss was a disaster.. **Clears Throat.. Baby mi.. Do you care to Illuminate me a bit more on this. **Winks.. Nyama! Spitting in! really Nigga?! Really?! No nah! Who is that guy?! He needs to be jailed 100 years in Boko Haram prison..... Mehnn I think i learnt from the best.. Their advice then was "Suck the lips and then leRRit flow.. Dont start rough.. Just enjoy it as it goes... " Ghen ghen... See advice.. lmao.. I guess it was cause i knew the bae was coming back that day for a kissing session though... heheheh You told him to let it go?! hahahah by that I think you meant "Let your Lips go" as in unlock from his..... heheheh #BringBackAddiesLips biko.. heheheh Thanks for always Bubba.. Amma zippy over to your Blog ASAP.. Pele life has been cray cray.. heheheh You are an amazing lady Addie, and so full of life.. Thank Yyooooouuuu... for being here baby mi.. LOVE YOU PLENRRY PLENRRY.. and the crowd goes.. Uuuuuuuuuuuu..

      P.S: can I get your Instagram handle please?! Please Bubba.. Please?!

      Delete
  10. Mehnnnn, i can relive my first kiss everyday for the rest of my life
    DURU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yaaaaa sha very spoilt

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehehehehehe Ossshhheeey! Esther Koko the Permanent secretary on Kissing Issues.. hehehehehe Esthhhhheeeerrr!!!! for the frigging win... heheheh I always have this Surge of Happiness reading your comments Baby mi.. heheh Blood just flows to very VERY **winks delicate parts of my boRRy in excitement.. me ke?! Spoil ke?! No nah.. Eeezz neFer that deep.. All these happened over the cause of like 10 years or something.. **Wears Angel face.. Thank you for coming by Esther.. Thank you for your love.. Care and support... Ya just the bestest best Baby mi.. Aswear.. **Whispers.. I cant wait to meet you oh!

      P.S: Yyyyyaaayyyy.. I saw you on Bella Naija with Tonye.. You go gurlll.. Sha remember me in paradiSO oh!

      Delete
  11. Duru Duru how many times did i call ya name? you have sha spoil tey tey..but y didin't you finish the story of the The First Sex Experience…...so you love shoes...ghen ghen....am coming for you bae.

    www.glowyshoe.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. heheheheheheh Weldone! So you want to know how the First Sex experience was ba?! Hian! oya See me in Camera so i can give you every. Single. Detail. heheheheh! Yeah! i love shoes oh! but as i am a cheap skate.. What to do nah?!

      Thanks for coming by bae! Ya just a ghen ghen someboRRy like that.. You Rock Glowy! Aswear you do!

      Delete
  12. Hey, I enjoyed the post however, it doesn't change the fact that you need some spanking. Naudi naudi naughty:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehehehehehheheeheh **Hides under Vita Foam mattress while avoiding Spanking... hheheheheh Sorry Clad.. many atimes yeah... This boy becomes utterly confused beyond remedy.. heheh Thanks for always Mzz Clad.. ya just the best.. You bring a new shade of cool down here.. And its endearing on all levels cause the feeling is different from what others bring to the table...Thank you Clad.. Thank yyyyooouuuu for loving me regardles.. CHUKWU Gozie gi dada...Please nah Clad! Write for us on Thursday.. Pretty please Clad.. **Wears Puppy face... and the crowd goes.. Ppppllllleeeaaassseee...

      Delete
  13. I love all your first!! Mine not as rosy tho especially for first kiss, sad face *the guy had mouth odour*. Mtcheww.. anyways plenty kissing ahead so no problem. How ya doing man???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehehehehehehehehehehehehheheheheheheh @Mouth Odour.. and here gang,. Is why you just have to Love Rella.. hehehehehe she always cracks us up like Moby.. Lmao! yels oh! many more experiences to compensate for our not so good firsts' in the future I guess... Sha Kiss with caution ehI I am well oh rella.. Just that Cat woman has me working like a Cyborg now.. I wake up and go.. OooooohhH! So i will now come and go and do Press up nah.. hehehehehe I dunno who sent me message oh! Rella.. ya just the best aswear.. and the crowd goes.. Yyyyeaaah mehn.. Thanks for the Love and support.. Even when I err.. Ya just amazingly cool Baby mi.. Aswear..

      Delete
  14. Congrats on your 2 years blogvesary :)!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Wow! iBlush... Thank you so much Cee.. aYam verrrrryyyy grateful. You have been here since teh beginning Cee.. Thank you.....Kai if I tell you how much I miss you nah ehn Bubba.. You would think I was exaggerating.. Hope you are good though Bubba?! ** Blowing a Full 360 TOUCHING BORRY kinda Hug your way Right now Cee... :) Cheers.

      Delete
  15. Reading this just made me remember my first experience in everything, I wonder where guvary is now tho? Wld love to see her and Dorcas again

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. **Clears Throat.. Guvary and Dorcas huh! Okay oh!!!!! Guvary and Dorcas OH!!!!! heheheh Come and catch Christopher oh! He is thinking about you amazing ladies eh.. hehehehe Thank you baba.. You know yeah Oga boss.. The miracle of the first time can never really be relived.. So we gats to enjoy it while it lasts.. **Wears Evil smile.. then **Clears Throat.. With the way ya remembering Guvary and Dorcas ehhhnnn.. Apparently they were worth the Heart racing experience.. **Winks... Nice one Jagaban.. this was an Amazing read... and the crowd goes OOOooooossssshhheeey Turn uP!

      Welcome on Board the Young and Confused Gang sir.. my! It feels good to have you on here Oga Boss.. Biko i beg you in the name of Guvary oH! **Winks... Dont be a stranger.. Come back and meet all the fine fine gehs on here.. **Wears Cheeky smile.... Have you met Rella?! She fine pass mami water :)

      Delete
  16. lips sealed.....sprinkles holy water on this blog


    THIS IS NO RANDOM THOUGHT

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh Favour Ohhhhhhhhh!!!! hahahahahahaha ya just a fish! lmao! thank you for always warming my heart with your love like Boiling Ring Baby mi.. I appreciate you Bubba.. ya just the best Aswear.. :)

      Delete
  17. Duru come and complete this story biko...what actually happened with this 'family friend'?

    Nma's Blog 

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehehehehheheheheh Longer throat is catching Nma oh! lmao! Dont worry.. In the words of Nollywood someboRRy's.. Watch out for part 2.. **Winks...

      Delete
  18. Hey! Uncle Duru *claps hands* weldone! I couldn't help but comment on this post...when it comes to expressing yourself, you do it well!
    However, u know me nahhhhh, I look forward. To reading about: ur first Car, ur First House, ur First Multi Million Contract, Ur First Wife(n ofcourse, only wife *winks), Ur first Child, ur First Tour, ur first Company e.t.c.
    Takia bro n I sure will pop in on Saturday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehehehehehehehh Mariam oh!! You wihh not kihh me with laugh! Only 1 wife ke?! haba! No nah! So you expect me to come and go and be watching only NTA for the rest of my life, when i can go outside and buy DSTV!! Aha! thats not Fair nah.. Thank you for Always Mariam.. You Rock... Thank you for being a True Friend in and Out....

      Delete