Pre-Script: All posts written under the #MyBachellorsDiary are written under total confusion of a young man with annoyingly high testosterone level.. Please read with your church mind... annd.. The YnC Blog Turns 2 Years on Saturday July the 18th, can you please come by on Saturday to celebrate with us?! Pretty please gang?! (Official Hashtag #YnCStrikeII)
How did it feel gang?! The very first time… How was it?! Was there a spark to it?! Did blood pump into your various organs with a rush like Spartan soldiers going to war?! Was there the sea breeze floating through her hair?! Was the night sky all blue?! Were his lips red?! Did you kiss in the rain?! Did you Turn the bedroom inside out?! Did your heart beat a bit faster?! Did you walk home on your head?! Was his eyes all brown, and did he have 6 packs like me Cc. Rella?! How did it feel gang?! The very first time..?! Turn uP Turn uP ladies and gentlemen.. What gwan gang?! How was your weekend?! Mehn mine was Turnnnnntttt up oh! I mean Uber Busy kinda Turnt uP! Insha Allah yeah, The young and Confused Blog turns 2 Years on Saturday July the 18th, and I and the gang have been running around like crazy.. Hopefully.. It will be a fun something…#Anticipate… Now **Points around… lemme first treat your fuck up… hehehehe.. then **Clears throat.. To all of you that were supporting King BlogoraTTi last week about being careful what I wished for… Hian diarisgoddooo! I was just joking nah… Who wants to ever die?! Is it me that is looking for geh friend that wants to nah come and die ni?! I reject it for me and mine biko.. We shant Die… :) Thank you so so much King BlogoraTTi, I apologize, guess i just got a bit carried away with living one day at a time sir.. You Rock Oga Boss... So last week I had a serious Rib cage pain.. It was hurting so much I thought kai! All my “I will soon die statements have caught up with me..” You know it izz when someboRRy wants to die that you wihh start thinking of who will inherit what shoe and how no girl will cry over you when ye die.. The pain hurt soooo bad! And its all Cat Woman’s fault.. She has over preachedddd this fitness something... and this brother right here has started doing 120 Push-uP’s every morning.. I mean last week I was sure I was dying.. But I later realized it was cause I used my entire allocation to buy Birthday cake and hadn’t had lunch that day.. So when I got home and ate.. the pain disaapeared sharpaly. Pppppprrrraaaiissee tha lawd someboRRy?!
So... Without much Adooo… Leggo..
The First Kiss..
So how was your first kiss?! Molola , Calabar Gal and Esther this kweshion is specially yours??! **Winks then **Wears Cheeky smile… You ladies know I'm tripping nah?! Meeehhnnn my first kiss ehn.. Hmmn.. lets talk e oh! So there was this child I was tripping for.. Amazing child.. and then one night we finally got to stay out late (bear in mind that she knew I was into her)… She came over to the lodge I was chilling. And my god she was fine like hell fire… You know how you know when a girl wants to kiss you nah gang Cc. Awon Bad guysis Victor, king Ice, Mannie.. She go dey bite mouth like someboRRy that has epilepsy… and all… And mehn this babe bit her lips so-teyyy I feared she would chew and swallow them before I started kissing sev.. And then when the hour was right (like Hollywood film **winks) I went in for the kiss.. and It was rabbish! I mean utter Rabbish! It was like a handshake…I literally just Touched her lips… Kai! Mummy.. See you haf caused?! heheheh All those days that they will be kissing in Onyibo film, she would tell us to close our eyes.. now I didn’t learn the tactics of kissy kissy… But then the second time with the same geh.. lawwwdd hav mercy.. **Sits down properly on Janglolva chair.. hehehe The second time ehn.. I went and watched all the videos of Kissing I could.. And when she came back to my room days later.. I literally Sucked her soul out of her Body with the kiss.. kai! It was amazing… My hands were all over her body, we kept rolling and the sheets were all scattered… I mean we literally turned the room upside down sef and she kept moaning and was all… Oya Stop.. It haf do... Don’t get carried away! Neeexxxtttt.
The First million.
Okay! Lemme not goan come and talk the one that will make them kidnap me.. But the thing about my job is that my salary is veryyyyyyyyy small… That being said… We all have top work extra hard... I remember when I made the first Naira 1000.. Think I was 12 then.. I had saved every 5 naira and 20 Naira in an old Cascada perfume case.. And when I hit 1k.. I ran up to Barr. Duru and said.. Daddy Daddy I have 1 thaaaasand.. he was so proud and said at that rate I would be very Rich very soon.. I remember the first 100k mehn I walked outta Stanbic like I was Atedo Peterside himself.. I felt wealthy.. I remember lying on the ground and crying to GOD cause I was shocked… the first Million… hehehehehe That one ehn! Chisos! I still dunno how it happened.. But in my head I did triple back flips and disvirgined 7 virgins.. lmao! Biko #ItcanonlybeGOD
The First Bottle of Alcohol!
Since I didnt do drugs.. Almost Cigar sha! I guess Alcohol covered for all my highness :)... Thing is I have been drinking since I was 8 or so… (But I was a Teetotaler all through IMSU FENG cause I wanted to get a first class oh).. Lemme tell you how.. As a family we used to hang out late in the sitting room a lot.. That time we had change.. So we would eat spicy food that they packed all the pepper in Agboju to prepare... So one night… I woke up with a crazy Hiccup after the orishirishi during the entire gathering.. And bam! there was no water.. Afraid I would choke.. My father brought out the bottle of star he was having and then disvirgined my throat with a gulp.. Omo the hiccup loss one time… The first time I had my own real drink was amazing… I had gone for a party at Old English 1st Avenue.. And me and my friend knew we had to get as high AF to have fun.. So we drank and Drank and Drank.. Okay! Scratch that.. We shared one bottle of Star (that was highness enough nah, I was 14).. Mehn such parryS were mad, as after 1 bottle of Star, We would have morale to approach much older ladies and get lap dances or grinded on by women old enough to be our Aunts and all.. I mean who cared.. Everyborry was high. On the first solo bottle, when I got home.. I walked up to one lady (Aunty) that lives in my close and implied that she had a big Ikebe.. To say the least, I almost got the worst Slap of my life.. Well Blame it on the Alcohol… Nexxxt.
The First Sex Experience…
Heheheheh Brace yaself.. This is gonna be nasty **Tongue out… So there was this Family friend I was tripping for.. Amazing Child I tell you.. Dark hair and Hour glass shape.. I mean back then she would come over to our house and we would play love.. To say she had the body of a goddess was to say the least.. We were family friends so she always came by.. I remember vividly that day.. Whats not to remember nah?! Our Blood was boiling… Her folks had dropped her off and we were home alone.. and bam! We saw Adult stuff.. and as we started to see them togeRRa.. The mood began.. We got all kissy kissy and Touching boRRy on one another and then we began to take off our clothes at the speed of light.. And then….. Cuuuuuuttt.. Mind your business.. Is it your concern?! Heheheh See how Amaka , Lily and Onyilola are paying close Attention.. hehehe Egbon Ausserehl… I dunno what I wanna say… But Egbon! I Try to be serious minded.. But it comes and goes like the weather... hehehhehe… :).. Thank you for always.. :)
Thank you for the past 7 minutes of your time gang.. You guys rock… heheheheh Ehen! Nah! Mind your business.. You didn’t think I would spill on how amazing or Not the first sex was nah did you?! My prayer for you this week is that you have a very interesting week.. And that many many first time memories will be made in it… There is something about the first time Gang.. and it’s the fact that there is perfection in its imperfection.. Don’t blow it gang. Make it worth while… Cheers.
P.S: In case mama sees this post… **Scratches head.. Mama hehehehe In the words of Shaggy.. **Clears throat.. It wasnt me :)
Gang have you met Glowy shoe: Now this child has me in 6 shades of tripping.. I guess one thing that endears me the most to her is that we both love shoes.. But her own no be here oh! Her love for shoes are like my new growing love for women… Unsuppressible.. **
Lemme Digress small; Talking about Women... If you see what I stupidly
did in real life on Friday ehn Gang.. I Taya for me.. Please go over to her blog and be blown away.. She is a super fantastic writer
Phisayo!: This childs reminds me of me.. Young and braving the world.. I definitely wanna know her, Just that Life has been too busy for me.. But this week.. I must know who that child is...
Ame: New Crush Alert!!! Now I am already in love with this child.. I Read this post and the part she mentioned stuff about Tomato just had me laughing reallllyy hard.. She is sooo full of life and I mean She is my kinda bae.. I had to call EstherKOKO to try toast her into giving me her contact.. But Esther is a brain geh so she gave me IG instead.. WaRrahell! Holl up! Holl uP! What am I supposed to use I.G for.. Please go to her Blog if you can gang, you will be impressed.. Trust me. Cheers.