Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Self Worth

Is it difficult to find another guy, why do girls get entangled with someone not befitting?
Hello house, it’s been a while since I’ve last visited. Hope you guys are rocking your world? It’s very important you do so, as every day is a gift from God and we’ve got to live it to the fullest. I’m improving too sha…

Let’s talk a bit about relationship. Considering the above title, believe guys too experience this but this is for every lady. This was something I experienced. It’s crazy to think of how I made myself get entangled in a ridiculous web of sheer stupidity. But Hey! You know what they say, Love makes us do crazy things.

Getting into relationship with someone is a conscious decision abi?! like I was very sane and I wasn’t under the influence of anything?! You know what you are looking for and you know what you saw to have said ‘yes’. But the disturbing thing is when the situation doesn’t look as good as earlier expected, why don’t you get out of it? Mind you, both of you are not married and so it is not a divorce, it is a process of you defining your choice and looking out for someone that perfectly (to a humanly degree) fit your purpose in life.

Though nobody is perfect but what if the situation is purely a pain in the ass. All through, the relationship sucks, both of you neither understand each other leading to constant argument, it’s always a few minutes happiness with him and later it turns sour, there is no trust and you are not completely free with him. I was in a situation like this for almost two years, entangled in it and scared of leaving him. It seemed he was the only good guy, though he had some good attributes but I feared other guys might be worse. After all, I never caught him cheating on me… but wait oh, come to think about it; what if he was and I never knew?!

That’s not a good thing to disturb one’s head with but what I later realized was that despite my love for him, involving me always trying to amend things and still seeing him as the best choice while he acted the opposite every day with no remorse, I was always thinking he would change. I would find excuses to why he acted the way he did, blaming the weather, stress, Nigerian economy, everything, I mean even every other persons experience and still act normal while at it, I would think these were what triggered his disgusting attitudes. I could not realize how insignificant and less of a woman this guy saw me. I would say I was sorry after every argument even though it was evident he was on the wrong side.

I think the question that should follow was ‘what did I really do to deserve such? I was in a relationship with someone I thought we mutually shared something together; deep affection. Initially, it was like we were in paradise, but little by little as I began knowing him, I saw a complete different person every day. We still tried to act like two civilized people telling each other the possibility of separating if we are not for one another; he stood on this point that he was ever cool with me. Yeah you are I would say to myself, but still you treat me like I was your worst enemy and in reply he would hit my ear drum with words like “I don’t break a relationship with a lady, she leaves if she wants and you know Nike, I don’t have a problem looking for another lady”. Choi… Nike you have suffered! That statement clearly said something.

I don’t know if this is similar to what you’ve experienced or heard or even experiencing, but this was my situation. When a man says this, just pack yourself and walk out. Even though your first date was like you were in paradise, this guy has just considered you as just a fling. Though he ate his words back when I eventually walked out, this was after I made him realize that I am Nike not “a fling”, I am Nike a unique and outstanding lady, I am priceless and special, and any man that has me just got himself the best thing in the world. I first believed in these words myself and it changed everything ME. I didn’t have to convince him or any man that this is who I am. They see it and respect me.

Those periods, I was in emotional war with myself. Despite the debasing statement he made, instead of walking towards the door cause why try to become a pie to someone who sees you as a shit? I did the opposite; I backed the door and felt guilty for everything. I was psychologically derailed and I let myself to be enslaved. I believed I wasn’t worth it and I lost my self-pride. It was as if I allowed him to dominate me and I saw him as a god that I must never cease worshipping. This sank down my self-esteem; as I thought I wasn’t good enough for other guys to recognize me. I got my brain beclouded. Then I realized what most girls go through, such a preposterous situation that they can’t even say out. But frankly, I was stupid and I think is anyone that stays in such a situation.

The craziest thing was that after I left him which I later did, girls like me were advising me not to have left him. Some had the revenge strategy while most reminded me of my first fear that guys outside are worse. But excuse me, I am not looking for a perfect guy without flaws but one who will come for me because he is looking for a rose that will complement him that he will take dearly and watch out for it not to wither.

I am a lady, I am a typical African woman who wants to love her husband, respect him and endow him with all the attributes of a woman. I want to be that woman that is referred to in the adage “for every successful man, there is a successful woman”. I want to be that beautiful thing the bible describes “he, who finds a wife, has found a good thing”.

Now I am out, my world is different, the color of the sky now radiantly blue, the leaves flourishingly green, the oceans grandiose and great unable to consume the huge sky, dews noiselessly falling at night and the stars glittering so beautifully from their far distance. My skin now glows, my smile wider and more sincere (not the fake happiness I was forming then), I don’t need to say how beautiful and stunning I look now.

A lady needs to understand how priceless she is, thank God I wasn’t battered, that is how I would have stayed glued claiming it was shower of love, but most ladies experience this even those that are well respected in the society. Most times, I do recommend friendship before dating so as to have good knowledge about the other person. Yeah, it is true one cannot completely know someone even after a decade, but you just know what you want from the person you want to be your own and glue up to that person. Nobody is perfect but there is someone whose stupidity is your cure for pain not the other way round.

Instagram: @adenikebam

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  1. Oh Nike.. I lllooovvee this post! I mean its depth cannot just come and goan be explained in English language! oh my! I likeeey! Ehen?! So you haf boyfriends before?! kai! Children of now a days shhhaaaa.. Wiser than their fathers.. **pats grey hair... lmao! that being sid.. I particularly love the depth of this post.. I love how real it feels.. and how much content lies in the words typed.

    Ijagila used to say that Self love is the best love.. and regardless of how much of the fact we used to argue for Africa yeah.. She was right.. As unless a lady loves here self.. then no man will love her enough.. And that is more or less the law of life. Thanks for sharing Nne.. This post is dripping with Juices of wisdom.. and the crowd goes.. Go Nike Go Nike Gooo.. :)

    1. Lol...thanks Duru. Wow, I'm so happy I created such feelings in you. This is the obvious truth ladies need to speak out and address. As Ijagila has also described, self love is the basic thing.

  2. I really loved reading this piece....even though one thing one thing didn't let me finish.....yea am a sucker for reading long epistles. But trust me self love is the has to learn to love me first. Nice piece Nike

    1. Oooh...thanks Icelaw. Wish you completed the article cos the last paragraphs are where the angelic meaning of self worth lies.

      Just that long epistles are innate to me, being trying hard to change. Lol

  3. I say for someone young, you have matured, my friend.

    Great thoughts here. I've always been standing for knowing our worth, especially for women. I write about similar topics because I think we always need reminding.

    You rock!

    1. Interesting, love to read some of your writing. Thanks dearie... You rock too.

  4. Blessings.....
    Women get into problems because they fall in love with a man's potential the who he "could be" (and not who he is) if the stars are align just right and the pauses for him to come into alignment.

    Word ladies, POTENTIAL is a hypothesis, a probability of what may be if this or that, hence its NOT REAL. Let it go, know and understand your worth and most importantly, see people as they are, not as you desire them to be.


    1. This is epic! You beautifully summarized everything. You found the perfect words to describe what ladies truly deal with. Thanks, you really inspired me.

  5. This is an uplifting piece. Thank you so much for sharing. I could actually see myself in this post, and I know a lot of other women would see themselves too. Every woman is jewel and deserves to be favored in her man's eyes. I have mad respect for Nike and I'm proud of her for finding herself while she's still young, and not becoming a victim like lost girls. Your prince charming is right around the corner looking for you Nike! Keep being beautiful.

    Lady G

    1. I really did not know the depth of this article until I started reading comments expecially from ladies like myself. I'm happy I shared this. Thanks Lady G.